This column is coming to you now because it's Christmas and that's a time of giving and moral empathy and we couldn't not share our joyous life with you. None of these videos are real, we hope you realise that, they are mere clip shows of the fragments of our fabulously wealthy lives where nobody works and everybody has sexual encounters which disfigure their daily routine?which is exactly why Noel Gallagher is being streamed directly into your pelvis.
Except it's not Christmas is it? It's December effing the second! Which means there are many doors on your Lego Star Wars advent calendar to be opened before you get a lump of coal and many tireless hours of hearing ?Fairytale of New York?, tediously throwing up mulled wine before your family sits around a cheap table not talking about how Daniel is on anti-psychotics and mummy cries herself to sleep at night after eating three bars of Galaxy from her secret chocolate box under the bed.
No, there won't be any Christmas songs here – not until December 24th when it's okay to just post clips of Tim Allen.