Is it just us or have music videos had a sudden resurgence since we started writing about them? I mean NME just got a bloody specialist video website…the thunder stealing pixies that they are. We?d do that if we had servers and lackeys and energy and all those other things that make productive people and good business.
Since we have none of the above qualities and only a slight interest in the medium of music videos we?ll just keep wittering on about the recent slew of sewage that VIVA, yes we only have Freeview, and the internet is trying to convince us we like, in-between informing us about the latest crisis affecting Kim Kardashian and her wedding to somebody you have never and will never hear of.
Of course Kim always comes first.
That pesky internet machine has been damning your souls to hell with pr0n and badness for years now, but those who are lovely and poo glitter balls have been obsessed by something else.
That something else is the gimmick of OK Go. Let's get this clear – they aren't a band. They are however perfect for the internet because they are just one massive music meme which is horribly, innocently, addictive, leaving us to gawp at yet another ?how did they do that?? video.
They don't just use treadmills any more as they have upgraded to mechanical parts. And dogs. Their new single and video ?All Is Not Lost? is a terrible happy-go-lucky song much like all the others they have produced, but nobody cares what you sound like if you can make yourself look like the Windows Media Player visualisations. It's not their best video, but being dressed head to toe in green lycra easily makes it the scariest. Remind yourself they are just men and you might survive the three minutes of nice-attack coming at you.
With much more reason to be moody Wild Beasts croon their way to releasing ?Bed Of Nails? as a single all anybody think is, ?shame about the Mercury.? It is, it is a shame, but you know boys, no matter how much you groan and swoon at the camera, it's just too late now. In this state of shock, it appears Wild Beasts decided making a video was too much effort and so just went to the T4 performance area.
Obviously being too pretentious not to, they took their own camera crew and said the words, ?make it arty,? queue swooping angles and soft focus. This is dull, ridiculous, and indulgent, everything the band are really. Where the hell is that Mercury? All they have now is Channel 4 which is probably why they all look so depressed in the video. Sorry boys.
Back with more summer fun are The Drums with the first single from their new album ?Money?.? It must be part of their deal that they can only release music in summer which is fair enough since it’s jangly?demeanour?is so suited to the season. If you haven't heard of The Drums it's because you listen to Vampire Weekend instead and are mainstream and all that generic conformist stuff that arseholes like us moan about on nights out as we reel of lists of bands you should own the Japanese imports of. The Drums are Vampire Weekend for people that think 4/4 time is a joke. Just look at their video; it has religious symbolism, guns, murderous stares, and a man that isn't Morrissey. What more do you need to hear? Obviously it's great, but we would say that.
You can see how it all pans out here.
Arguments happen every day and most people don't enjoy them so it's nice that we can all unite on one thing; how truly sickening Kasabian and even the collective thought of them are. Even as individual people, we can all still agree that they are the worst humans alive on the planet at any one time.
Apparently God does hate us that much. ?It was our displeasure then to hear they had released a new ?song?, but things went from bad to worse when we saw it was called ?Switchblade Smiles?. Then something unprecedented happened. Something you could never anticipate or comprehend?Kasabian got worse. They didn't just get worse though, no, Kasabian went Nu-Metal. It's the funniest thing you have witnessed since ?Club Foot? sucked every ounce of happiness you had from your life; nice of them to give something back. If you want some joy or to see what happens when a group of terrible people decide to make a rubbish version of Refused?s video for ?New Noise? then please indulge yourself for hours and then smash your skull in.
It’s horrible, it’s horrible, it’s horrible.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!