Articles tagged with: movie
Ready For Terminator 5? No? Tough
Terminator Salvation looks set to be one of the most talked-about movies of next year, even if much if the talk looks set to be "Oh lord, this is terrible." But because of all the pre-release hype surrounding Terminator Salvation, it's almost certainly not going to be the last Terminator film. In fact, according to producers, Terminator 5 is now going to be rushed into cinemas by summer 2011. Apparently to be set in the Middle East, Terminator 5 will revolve around the time when John Connor got a nasty scratch from some robot shrapnel and looked for treatment. It'll be called Terminator Savlon. Sorry.
Terminator Salvation looks set to be one of the most talked-about movies of next year, even if much if the talk looks set to be "Oh lord, this is terrible." But because of all the pre-release hype surrounding Terminator Salvation, it's almost certainly not going to be the last Terminator film. In fact, according to producers, Terminator 5 is now going to be rushed into cinemas by summer 2011. Apparently to be set in the Middle East, Terminator 5 will revolve around the time when John Connor got a nasty scratch from some robot shrapnel and looked for treatment. It'll be called Terminator Savlon. Sorry.
Hugh Jackman Destroys Everything In New Wolverine Trailer
Give Hugh Jackman a job and he'll do it - hosting the Oscars, starring in guffy Nicole Kidman films that everyone hates, apparently being sexy. But none of this can disguise the fact that Hugh Jackman is Wolverine, nothing but Wolverine and will remain Wolverine until the day he dies. That's why he's made a new film that's only about that one character, and that's why we've got the new Wolverine trailer for you here. But if you can't wait for X-Men Origins: Wolverine to be released, or you can't be bothered to go and see it when it's released, we've knocked out a brief synopsis of the movie based on the trailers. There may be spoilers. But, somehow, we think there probably won't...
Jennifer Aniston Naked, Also For The Animals (A Bit)
Here's some celebrity maths: Jennifer Aniston + family movie about an adorable dog = naked Jennifer Aniston. It's obvious! Jennifer Aniston is promoting a film that's primarily aimed at children, so it's obvious she'd end up naked on the front of GQ magazine. Really, this is just like when Jodie Foster got her bum out to promote Nim's Island or when the entire cast of that Narnia film guest-edited that issue of Fat Filthy Knockers magazine. But, of course, Jennifer Aniston isn't just naked in GQ for her film - it's also to show everyone that she's happy. Happy! She's happy, OK? HAPPY!
Here's some celebrity maths: Jennifer Aniston + family movie about an adorable dog = naked Jennifer Aniston. It's obvious! Jennifer Aniston is promoting a film that's primarily aimed at children, so it's obvious she'd end up naked on the front of GQ magazine. Really, this is just like when Jodie Foster got her bum out to promote Nim's Island or when the entire cast of that Narnia film guest-edited that issue of Fat Filthy Knockers magazine. But, of course, Jennifer Aniston isn't just naked in GQ for her film - it's also to show everyone that she's happy. Happy! She's happy, OK? HAPPY!
Emma Watson Wants To Get Naked Really Jolly Soon
When Emma Watson made her first Harry Potter movie, she was just a helpless slip of a girl. But now? Now Emma Watson is a woman, with a woman's body. Yes, now she's all grown up, Emma Watson is proud woman in possession of a full set of boobs and, if we hear correctly, a properly-functioning bottom. And she'd like nothing more than to show you. Observing Daniel Radcliffe's critical acclaim after appearing nude in Equus, Emma Watson has decided that she'd quite like to get naked, too. But only if it's artistic and integral to the plot. Or slapdash and gratuitous. She's not really bothered.
When Emma Watson made her first Harry Potter movie, she was just a helpless slip of a girl. But now? Now Emma Watson is a woman, with a woman's body. Yes, now she's all grown up, Emma Watson is proud woman in possession of a full set of boobs and, if we hear correctly, a properly-functioning bottom. And she'd like nothing more than to show you. Observing Daniel Radcliffe's critical acclaim after appearing nude in Equus, Emma Watson has decided that she'd quite like to get naked, too. But only if it's artistic and integral to the plot. Or slapdash and gratuitous. She's not really bothered.
Alien 5: The Alien-Free Alien Movie?
It's helpful when a film's title describes its contents - Jaws had some jaws in it, Michael Clayton contained a man called Michael Clayton and Kindergarten Cop was famous for featuring those two exact things. And that theory works beautifully with the Alien series. Alien had an alien in it, Aliens had more than one alien in it, Alien 3 was the third film in the franchise and Alien: Resurrection was a film about some aliens that featured a resurrection as a key plot point. Which brings us to Alien 5. Which might be happening. Without any aliens in it. Whoops.
It's helpful when a film's title describes its contents - Jaws had some jaws in it, Michael Clayton contained a man called Michael Clayton and Kindergarten Cop was famous for featuring those two exact things. And that theory works beautifully with the Alien series. Alien had an alien in it, Aliens had more than one alien in it, Alien 3 was the third film in the franchise and Alien: Resurrection was a film about some aliens that featured a resurrection as a key plot point. Which brings us to Alien 5. Which might be happening. Without any aliens in it. Whoops.
Who Wants Police Academy 8? Anybody? Just You, Guttenberg?
The Police Academy movies were from a simpler time - a time when a man could make a noise like a toaster with his mouth and people thought it was good. Of course, times have moved on since then - but nobody tell Steve Guttenberg. Guttenberg has decided that he's ready to make Police Academy 8, even though that would obviously be the worst idea that any human has ever had. Oh, and also Steve Guttenberg says he's making another Three Men And A Baby movie, too. And Steve Guttenberg has forgotten to take his medicine. And he needs a lie down.
The Police Academy movies were from a simpler time - a time when a man could make a noise like a toaster with his mouth and people thought it was good. Of course, times have moved on since then - but nobody tell Steve Guttenberg. Guttenberg has decided that he's ready to make Police Academy 8, even though that would obviously be the worst idea that any human has ever had. Oh, and also Steve Guttenberg says he's making another Three Men And A Baby movie, too. And Steve Guttenberg has forgotten to take his medicine. And he needs a lie down.
Here Comes That Planet Of The Apes Prequel You Never Asked For
Do you find that Planet Of The Apes, its four movie sequels, movie remake, TV series, cartoon show and books haven't left you satisfied? Do you often get irritated because, even though you could literally drown in all the different versions of Planet Of The Apes that have been made over the years, nobody's ever bothered to tell you what happened on the planet almost 2,000 years before the events of the original movie? If you do, we have two pieces of advice for you - 1) hold onto your hat, because Fox is apparently very close to starting production on that exact Planet Of The Apes prequel, entitled Genesis: Apes, set 1,969 years before the original movie, and 2) stop wasting your life, you friendless nincompoop.
Do you find that Planet Of The Apes, its four movie sequels, movie remake, TV series, cartoon show and books haven't left you satisfied? Do you often get irritated because, even though you could literally drown in all the different versions of Planet Of The Apes that have been made over the years, nobody's ever bothered to tell you what happened on the planet almost 2,000 years before the events of the original movie? If you do, we have two pieces of advice for you - 1) hold onto your hat, because Fox is apparently very close to starting production on that exact Planet Of The Apes prequel, entitled Genesis: Apes, set 1,969 years before the original movie, and 2) stop wasting your life, you friendless nincompoop.
There’s Going To Be A Twilight 2. Oh, Look Surprised
Do you think that the world can never have enough rubbish-looking teenage vampire films featuring hamfisted pro-abstinence agendas? You do? Well then, we've got two very exciting pieces of news for you! 1) Twilight, probably your favourite rubbish-looking teenage vampire film featuring a hamfisted pro-abstinence agenda, has been so hugely successful in its opening week that a sequel has already been greenlit, and 2) gosh, you're an infuriating bellsack. Will Twilight 2 be a success? Hardly - the screaming teenage girls who love Twilight will soon realise that handsome, dangerous boys willing to wait for sex don't actually exist. Brokenhearted, they'll hurl their virginity at the first boy to notice them, quickly get pregnant and wind up with five babies from five different fathers and zero self-esteem by the time Twilight 2 is released in 2010. Or at least that's what we hope, anyway.
Do you think that the world can never have enough rubbish-looking teenage vampire films featuring hamfisted pro-abstinence agendas? You do? Well then, we've got two very exciting pieces of news for you! 1) Twilight, probably your favourite rubbish-looking teenage vampire film featuring a hamfisted pro-abstinence agenda, has been so hugely successful in its opening week that a sequel has already been greenlit, and 2) gosh, you're an infuriating bellsack. Will Twilight 2 be a success? Hardly - the screaming teenage girls who love Twilight will soon realise that handsome, dangerous boys willing to wait for sex don't actually exist. Brokenhearted, they'll hurl their virginity at the first boy to notice them, quickly get pregnant and wind up with five babies from five different fathers and zero self-esteem by the time Twilight 2 is released in 2010. Or at least that's what we hope, anyway.
