In “Reincarnated”, a new documentary from VICE magazine, Snoop Lion, formerly Snoop Dogg, formerly Calvin Cordozar Broadus, Jr. (holy mouthful) takes us on a trip to his Jamaican “homeland” to showcase his transformation from badass motherfucker to coconut water sipping, shuffleboard playing, rainbow flag waving pussyanna.
Rocking a super sexy RASTAHHHH mesh tanktop, Snoop explains how through the process of weed smoke baptism he was magically transformed into the reincarnation of Bob Marley, despite the fact that Marley died in 1981, an entire fucking decade after Snoop was born (1971). Now, I don’t have a PhD in that made up shit you call religion, but I’m pretty sure reincarnation only happens after someone is already dead.
Snoop crows, “I’ve always said I was Bob Marley reincarnated. The Marleys blessed me. I’ve always been their brother. For them to see me come home it was like our brother has finally awakened. He’s really with us now.”
Oooookay. Put down the bong. If there were ever a “you’ve smoked too much” line in the sand, I think it’s been crossed. Dude is one step away from strapping up in yellow spandex, kissing a lucky egg and shouting “Cool Runninnnnngs!!!!” as he slides his ass down an icy chute. Foshizzle.
Snoop claims he is a changed man. Following in the footsteps of family friendly, possibly gay, G-rated rapper Will Smith, he now produces music for all ages, including a track titled “No Guns Allowed”.
Let us not forget, this is all from the guy who brought you:
“Splat to a motherfucker face, he fall.
Strong motherfucker cause he starts to crawl.
I guess I gots to load the glock again.
Hit him with the hollow points and watch him spin.”
Forgive me, Snoop, if I’m a little skeptical of celebrity sponsored religious conversions. (cough…Kabbalah…cough) I’m not saying people don’t change, but asking me to believe you’re full of sunshine and rainbows is about as believable as thinking that Chris Brown won’t murder Rhianna one day.
I’d also believe it more if it didn’t come pre-packaged as a CD/DVD/coffee table book box set, in which the real Bob Marley would have at least included a free poster.