Articles tagged with: movie
Britney Spears Not The Virgin Mary
As her stints on How I Met Your Mother proved, Britney Spears' love of acting is almost as huge as everyone else's ambivalence to it. And now that she's a successful singer once again, it's only natural that Britney Spears will start looking for more ways to showcase her unique acting abilities, too. But that movie won't be Sweet Baby Jesus, the film where Britney Spears was rumoured to be playing the Virgin Mary. But now it's been revealed that Britney Spears will no longer be the Virgin Mary. And we won't lie to you - we're relieved. Because if Britney Spears is the Virgin Mary, then it'd sort of mean that Kevin Federline was God. And that would mean that heaven is a shabby trailer with the video to Popozao playing on an unstoppable loop on a giant plasma screen that you can't ever look away from. And all the angels have cornrows and smell a bit.
As her stints on How I Met Your Mother proved, Britney Spears' love of acting is almost as huge as everyone else's ambivalence to it. And now that she's a successful singer once again, it's only natural that Britney Spears will start looking for more ways to showcase her unique acting abilities, too. But that movie won't be Sweet Baby Jesus, the film where Britney Spears was rumoured to be playing the Virgin Mary. But now it's been revealed that Britney Spears will no longer be the Virgin Mary. And we won't lie to you - we're relieved. Because if Britney Spears is the Virgin Mary, then it'd sort of mean that Kevin Federline was God. And that would mean that heaven is a shabby trailer with the video to Popozao playing on an unstoppable loop on a giant plasma screen that you can't ever look away from. And all the angels have cornrows and smell a bit.
Video: Arrested Development The Movie Is Officially “A Go”
One morning, when we were very young, our father burst into our room to tell us that overnight our mother had somehow transformed into 322 lbs (he weighed it first thing) of gold bullion, and we were all rich beyond our wildest dreams. This was good news. In college we didn't graduate, but on commencement day we did find someone else's bachelor degree lying on the floor. Once it was framed and wall-mounted, our friends said they couldn't tell there was a slight font change where our name started. This too, was good news. People have finally stopped talking about Proposition 8. Slap that right on the good news list as well. Do you know what news is better than all those combined? Its that Jeffrey Tambor has recently said that as-per a very recent telephone conversation with Mitch Hurwitz, the Arrested Development movie is "a go."
One morning, when we were very young, our father burst into our room to tell us that overnight our mother had somehow transformed into 322 lbs (he weighed it first thing) of gold bullion, and we were all rich beyond our wildest dreams. This was good news. In college we didn't graduate, but on commencement day we did find someone else's bachelor degree lying on the floor. Once it was framed and wall-mounted, our friends said they couldn't tell there was a slight font change where our name started. This too, was good news. People have finally stopped talking about Proposition 8. Slap that right on the good news list as well. Do you know what news is better than all those combined? Its that Jeffrey Tambor has recently said that as-per a very recent telephone conversation with Mitch Hurwitz, the Arrested Development movie is "a go."
Beyonce Wants To Be Wonder Woman Something Rotten
This is getting confusing - first Beyonce told us that she was Sasha Fierce, and now she might be Wonder Woman as well. Beyonce, that is. Not Sasha Fierce. Unless Sasha Fierce wants to be Wonder Woman instead of Beyonce. But at the moment we just think that it's Beyonce who wants to be Wonder Woman, and Sasha Fierce hasn't got anything to do with it. Except that Sasha Fierce is Beyonce, so technically they both want to be Wonder Woman. Clear? Good. Beyonce wants to be Wonder Woman in a new movie. Which sort of makes sense. She's got the thighs for it, we suppose.
This is getting confusing - first Beyonce told us that she was Sasha Fierce, and now she might be Wonder Woman as well. Beyonce, that is. Not Sasha Fierce. Unless Sasha Fierce wants to be Wonder Woman instead of Beyonce. But at the moment we just think that it's Beyonce who wants to be Wonder Woman, and Sasha Fierce hasn't got anything to do with it. Except that Sasha Fierce is Beyonce, so technically they both want to be Wonder Woman. Clear? Good. Beyonce wants to be Wonder Woman in a new movie. Which sort of makes sense. She's got the thighs for it, we suppose.
Captain America To Be Directed By… Oh. Really? That Guy?
Part of what has made Marvel's forays into feature films so exciting is the quality of director it has managed to secure for each movie. Whether it's an indie darling like Jon Favreau directing Iron Man, a theatrical powerhouse like Kenneth Branagh helming Thor or a thrilling young up-and-comer like Louis Leterrier taking on The Incredible Hulk, Marvel has always managed to impress. So, with that in mind, who has Marvel signed on to direct Captain America, one of the most iconic characters in its stable? Joe Johnston. Come on, you know, Joe Johnston. The man who directed Jurassic Park III. And, um, The Rocketeer. Oh, you know him. He wrote one episode of the Star Wars Droids cartoon spin-off in 1895. Joe Johnston, you know. Old Joey Jo-Jo Johnston. This Captain America film is going to freaking rule.
Part of what has made Marvel's forays into feature films so exciting is the quality of director it has managed to secure for each movie. Whether it's an indie darling like Jon Favreau directing Iron Man, a theatrical powerhouse like Kenneth Branagh helming Thor or a thrilling young up-and-comer like Louis Leterrier taking on The Incredible Hulk, Marvel has always managed to impress. So, with that in mind, who has Marvel signed on to direct Captain America, one of the most iconic characters in its stable? Joe Johnston. Come on, you know, Joe Johnston. The man who directed Jurassic Park III. And, um, The Rocketeer. Oh, you know him. He wrote one episode of the Star Wars Droids cartoon spin-off in 1895. Joe Johnston, you know. Old Joey Jo-Jo Johnston. This Captain America film is going to freaking rule.
Farrelly Brothers To Ruin All You Liked About The Three Stooges
As timeless at The Three Stooges were, their movies didn't really have enough masturbation or funny disabled people in them. But that's all going to change! Why? Because there's going to be a new Three Stooges movie coming out next year, and it's going to a) be set in the modern world, b) partially feature The Three Stooges as children and c) be written and directed by The Farrelly Brothers. Leaving aside the fact that it'll probably end up starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Jimmy Fallon, it's quite hard to understand why The Farrelly Brothers are even making a new movie based on The Three Stooges in the first place. After all, it'll probably be much cheaper to train a monkey to rub its own poo across the gravestones of the old Three Stooges, wouldn't it?
As timeless at The Three Stooges were, their movies didn't really have enough masturbation or funny disabled people in them. But that's all going to change! Why? Because there's going to be a new Three Stooges movie coming out next year, and it's going to a) be set in the modern world, b) partially feature The Three Stooges as children and c) be written and directed by The Farrelly Brothers. Leaving aside the fact that it'll probably end up starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Jimmy Fallon, it's quite hard to understand why The Farrelly Brothers are even making a new movie based on The Three Stooges in the first place. After all, it'll probably be much cheaper to train a monkey to rub its own poo across the gravestones of the old Three Stooges, wouldn't it?
Tom Ford Makes A Film, Whoopy Doo
Tom Ford is basically a modern-day Renaissance man - one day he'll make a pair of trousers, the next he'll make, dunno, a sweater or something. But Tom Ford isn't a man who restricts himself to only making things for rich image-conscious idiots to wear. No, now he's decided to turn his hand to making things for rich image-conscious idiots to sit and slowly fall asleep to and then wake up and pretend to have enjoyed because it makes them look clever. That's right - Tom Ford is making a movie. Apparently Tom Ford has adapted the novel A Single Man into a movie, and he's managed to get Julianne Moore and Colin Firth to star in it. We don't know if A Single Man will be good yet, but we suspect it largely depends on his resolve - at some point he's bound to crack and give Victoria Beckham a part in it, and how large that part is will determine how many teeth we'll smash out with our shoe if we ever have to watch it.
Tom Ford is basically a modern-day Renaissance man - one day he'll make a pair of trousers, the next he'll make, dunno, a sweater or something. But Tom Ford isn't a man who restricts himself to only making things for rich image-conscious idiots to wear. No, now he's decided to turn his hand to making things for rich image-conscious idiots to sit and slowly fall asleep to and then wake up and pretend to have enjoyed because it makes them look clever. That's right - Tom Ford is making a movie. Apparently Tom Ford has adapted the novel A Single Man into a movie, and he's managed to get Julianne Moore and Colin Firth to star in it. We don't know if A Single Man will be good yet, but we suspect it largely depends on his resolve - at some point he's bound to crack and give Victoria Beckham a part in it, and how large that part is will determine how many teeth we'll smash out with our shoe if we ever have to watch it.
Robert Downey Jr Signs For The Disappointing Third Iron Man Film
Robert Downey Jr knows a good thing when he sees it - like handguns, lots of Class A drugs and movies directed by Guy Ritchie. OK OK OK, so Robert Downey Jr doesn't know a good thing when he sees it. Probably seven out of ten times he knows a good thing when actually he sees a rubbish thing. But Robert Downey Jr does know what things will make him richer than his wildest dreams, and he chases those things like a dog. According to reports, Robert Downey Jr has signed a contract securing him to Iron Man 3 and an Avengers movie. This is particularly good news for anyone who, while enjoying the original Iron Man, really wants to see Iron Man get overtaken by an alien, grow an evil haircut and then dancing the Twist with Kirsten Dunst while cooking some eggs. For Superhero Law states that all of the above must happen in Iron Man 3.
Robert Downey Jr knows a good thing when he sees it - like handguns, lots of Class A drugs and movies directed by Guy Ritchie. OK OK OK, so Robert Downey Jr doesn't know a good thing when he sees it. Probably seven out of ten times he knows a good thing when actually he sees a rubbish thing. But Robert Downey Jr does know what things will make him richer than his wildest dreams, and he chases those things like a dog. According to reports, Robert Downey Jr has signed a contract securing him to Iron Man 3 and an Avengers movie. This is particularly good news for anyone who, while enjoying the original Iron Man, really wants to see Iron Man get overtaken by an alien, grow an evil haircut and then dancing the Twist with Kirsten Dunst while cooking some eggs. For Superhero Law states that all of the above must happen in Iron Man 3.
The Jonas Brothers & A Farting Dog: A Movie Match Made In, Um…
In generations to come, serious historians will pinpoint High School Musical 3 as the event that kickstarted the fall of mankind. You might not think so now, but you will. Because if it wasn't for the box office success of High School Musical 3, then there's isn't a chance in hell that God-bothering tweenypop virgins The Jonas Brothers would be allowed to make a movie entitled Walter The Farting Dog, about a fat dog named Walter who farts a lot. But they are. The Jonas Brothers are making a movie called Walter The Farting Dog, based on a successful range of children's books. We can only pray that The Jonas Brother make Walter The Farting Dog a success, because that will inevitably lead to the most perfect movie of all time - Miley Cyrus in an adaptation of Ingrid The Diarrhetic Menstruating Monkey.
In generations to come, serious historians will pinpoint High School Musical 3 as the event that kickstarted the fall of mankind. You might not think so now, but you will. Because if it wasn't for the box office success of High School Musical 3, then there's isn't a chance in hell that God-bothering tweenypop virgins The Jonas Brothers would be allowed to make a movie entitled Walter The Farting Dog, about a fat dog named Walter who farts a lot. But they are. The Jonas Brothers are making a movie called Walter The Farting Dog, based on a successful range of children's books. We can only pray that The Jonas Brother make Walter The Farting Dog a success, because that will inevitably lead to the most perfect movie of all time - Miley Cyrus in an adaptation of Ingrid The Diarrhetic Menstruating Monkey.
