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Mental

Charlie Sheen May Get Porn House Dream

by Mof Gimmers

Remember a few months ago, when everyone couldn’t stop talking about Charlie Sheen? There was a time he was a champion wreck. He made women cry, invented seven thousand catchphrases, wobbled about on rooftops with massive knives and looked like he was headed for a spectacular early grave. Then he became self-aware, cleaned his act [...]

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Ashton Kutcher Says The ‘Men’ Gig Is Like Winning The Lottery (Wholly Undeserved Riches Brought On By Chance?)

by Mof Gimmers

As well you know, Ashton Kutcher is a oddly hairlined berk. He’s managed to make a career out of… well… playing himself. Which is notably, a dunderhead with a six pack and blank look on his head. Still, at least he’s aware of this. How? Well, the pro-goofball – who was recently announced as Charlie [...]

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Incredibly Annoying Charlie Sheen To Be Replaced By Even More Annoying Ashton Kutcher On ‘Men’?

by Mof Gimmers

After rumours floated around the slebphere that Hugh Grant was to take over Charlie Sheen’s role on Two And A Half Men (ostensibly, The Famous One On The Show), everyone scratched their heads and muttered about how little sense it made. Surely a programme like that needs someone more irritating than Hugh Grant? Well, it [...]

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Hugh Grant As Baffling Replacement For Charlie Sheen On Two And A Half Men?

by Mof Gimmers

Hugh ‘It’s All About The Twiglets’ Grant is, and take this with a whole lake of salt, apparently being touted as a replacement for Charlie Sheen in the abjectly awful and heavingly unfunny Two and a Half Men. It would appear that the actor-turned-paparazzi snitch started to be courted around a month ago by CBS [...]

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Charlie Sheen Upsets Ex With Rehab Joke And Threatens To Tour The World

by Mof Gimmers

Charlie Sheen’s Violent Torpedo Of Truth tour has been hobbling around America, confusing and dumbfounding people and making people too thick to think titter every stinkin’ time he wheels out the whole ‘Uh, winning!‘ thing. Until now, this dreadful spectacle has been confined to the boundaries of mainland America… but not for long. That’s because [...]

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Charlie Sheen Gets Lifeline From Denise Richards In Now Boring News Item

by Mof Gimmers

Remember when Charlie Sheen was fun to write about? Remember that? He had people cowering in cupboards, suitcases of cocaine and had a nervous breakdown before our very eyes. And now? He’s gone from meme to admin. How terribly dull. Instead of standing on rooftops waving a machete around, he’s involved in a boring tour [...]

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Charlie Sheen Has Tiger Blood. Other Celebrities Have…

by Paul Gibson

As the sound of riotous laughter at Charlie Sheen’s kerraazy antics begins to quieten, and morph into more of an embarrassed chuckle, we must ask ourselves what the tragic actor’s manic spree of self-delusionary word vomiting has left us with. Has he changed the world somehow, perhaps by using his “warlock brain” to unlock the [...]

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Charlie Sheen Continues To Exist, Sadly

by Mof Gimmers

You know when you squeeze a spot and two return in its place? That’s what Charlie Sheen is like. He was once a bit of a pus bag, but now he’s more like a weeping rash – everywhere and disgusting to look at. And here he comes, to bother us with his presence once again [...]

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Charlie Sheen Tour Proves That He’s Not Nearly As Newsworthy As He Was A Month Ago

by Mof Gimmers

Remember when Charlie Sheen was on drugs, violent and knocking on death’s door all the time? Those were fun days. Sadly, Sheen realised he had shaky stock and decided to wise-up and knuckle down to make some fast dollar. And everyone else got really bored. Yet, many had already stumped up cash for his “My [...]

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Charlie Sheen Chooses #Losing Over #Winning At His Detroit Live Show

by Matthew Laidlow

If we were going to summarise and compare Charlie Sheen to something, it would be a gooey scab. Just like a bloody wound, you don’t particularly want it there and will do almost anything to initialise its eradication… but rather like picking at it. We feel this way about Two And A Half Men, a [...]

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