You know when you squeeze a spot and two return in its place? That’s what Charlie Sheen is like. He was once a bit of a pus bag, but now he’s more like a weeping rash – everywhere and disgusting to look at.
And here he comes, to bother us with his presence once again which is just great. Sadly, we’re not writing about his demise, rather, his employment status. AGAIN.
Yes indeed! Everyone is ever so concerned about whether Charlie Sheen has a job or not, right? Especially if that job concerns Two And A Half Men which, obviously, is the greatest work of art mankind has ever produced. So what’s the deal? Is he working on a show that no-one really watched outside of America or not? You don’t care one shit do you?
If you’ve got this far, firstly, you should be ashamed of yourself. Go and stand in a corner and eat wire wool while thinking about the stupid decisions you’ve clearly made in your life thus far. If you’re still vaguely interested about stupid Charlie Sheen and his dead eyes that look like pork scratchings, you’ll know that he hinted that he might be going back to Two And A Half Men.
Well he isn’t.
Sources (them again) connected to the show reckon that the actor will never be invited back. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. Because he’s a gigantic tool. And not a useful tool like a trowel.
See, CBS cheese Les Moonves (great name) has been rumoured to be keen to get the stuttering meme back on the programme, but this is also a load of lies. Instead, it appears that Sheen has been pleaded to the bosses to get his job back, but the producers have wisely “closed the book on” him.
Very different to Charlie’s assertion that ‘there’s been discussions’ and that the likelihood of his returning to the show was ’85-percent.’
And now, Sheen is going all maudlin, like a sorrowful drunk crying in an unlit bedsit, wondering where all his friends have gone.
“Had they told me at the end of Season 8 that that behavior wasn’t going to be cool, I would have adjusted it.”
Someone needs a waaaaaaaaaahmbulance.
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CatWhisperer says
I just heard Charlie is coming to Atlanta in a few days (where I live)! I could go and report back, I’d love to be an honorary heckler writer!
I’d really have to get paid alot though for sitting through that muck! I mean its not like I’d be seeing Robert Pattinson or anything!!!! That, I would do for free :)
halo says
@CatWhisperer
No, for the love of heaven DON’T DO IT. I’m still trying to shake that violent torpedo of “shit this was supposed to be comedy, so why do I need instant brain bleach and why-oh-why is my lil bro’s fave porn star on stage; why am I still sitting here when I could be at home smoking my bong (oh riiighhhtt I’m paid to be here and write a damn column), while this douche whines about how upset he is is fucked up his job; and WTF why can he smoke on stage and I keep getting dirty looks from security, is it over yet!!!????!!?!?!” Seriously catlady, do yourself a favor and spare your brain cells, I’m still trying to rehabilitate mine. Here’s to hoping I don’t need a warlock or tiger blood. Or God forbid the drug known as “charlie sheen” , if it is then it’s sewer pipes for me. I’m still trying to write that column, I think I may use the post. Or I’ll just sue my employer for “mental anguish”
CatWhisperer says
Thanks for the tip halo. I still have one more day to decide & they reported on the news this AM that there are still plenty of tics left. Oh Good…
I just havent read that anyone here has actually gone to see the “show” and would have sacrificed my sanity to be the first to report on it. But with that warning I think I will pass!
I dont like going into downtown ATL anyway..