Hecklerspray's Matthew Laidlow recently applied for a job at a magazine, not knowing that it was to be edited by Peaches Geldof as part of an MTV reality TV show. The following is a true story... 

Firstly, let's be clear - nobody told me that I was going going for a job on a reality TV show or that Peaches Geldof was going to be the editor. Both these factors would have put me off straight away.

So here is my story of how I almost worked with the stupidly-named celebrity wannabe Peaches Geldof.

It's been a hard month, knowing that Jennifer Lopez gave birth to twins but not being able to see what they look like.

Chances are your minds have spent the last few weeks racing with worries about Jennifer Lopez's twins - do they have their mother's eyes? Do they have the right amount of fingers? Is one of them a bear? Were either of them born fully-qualified airline pilots - but now the truth is finally out.

The first pictures of Jennifer Lopez's twin babies have been published on the front cover of today's People magazine. And the good news is that, judging by the pictures, both of Jennifer Lopez's twins look perfectly fine - although if we were Marc Anthony might want a DNA paternity test just to clear up any lingering suspicion that Jennifer wasn't knocked up by a Boobah. Really, the resemblance is uncanny.

One of the perks of being a famous woman is that if you ever have a baby, magazines will pay you millions of dollars to take photos of it.

And that's true whether you have an adorable baby or an angry pink monster with freakish little grasping fingers that creep you out every time you look at them. Like Christina Aguilera's baby.

Now before you get upset, remember that we're not the ones saying that. People magazine paid $1.5 million for exclusive photos of Christina Aguilera and her new baby Max, but since hardly anyone bought the issue, it's basically you who are saying that Christina Aguilera's baby is a ridiculous, funny-to-look-at waste of everyone's time. And you should be ashamed, damn you.

Several things must have gone through Lindsay Lohan's mind as she posed for those naked photographs, like "I hope they dial down my bright red pubic hair with an airbrush" and "what will my mother think?"

But, although she was right to worry about the first one, Lindsay Lohan has no reason at all to fear the latter, because her mother Dina Lohan bloody well loves the naked Lindsay Lohan photos that were published earlier in the week.

That's good to see - Dina Lohan's endorsement of Lindsay Lohan's nude photoshoot is not only heartwarming, but it's also softened her up for all those Lindsay Lohan Hot Bitch XXX Dildo Slut Action DVDs that Lindsay will be reduced to starring in by 2010.

Here's a conundrum: you see two magazines, one that promises exclusive pictures of Jennifer Lopez and her new twins and another one that's about generic mid-20th century brickwork - which do you buy?

No question - the brickwork one every time. Because a) hey, bricks, woo, and b) you really couldn't give a tenth of a rat's chuff about anything to do with Jennifer Lopez.

Still, that hasn't stopped People magazine from paying an estimated $6 million for exclusive American distribution rights for Jennifer Lopez's baby photos. We honestly can't see how Jennifer Lopez is that much of a draw, so maybe People has heard something we don't know - maybe J-Lo's twins are co-joined at the arse or something. Yes, that's definitely it.

A month and a half in and Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex was starting to look embarrassingly dry.

But not any more, because Lindsay Lohan has got naked for a magazine. Deliberately naked, too - this isn't one of those 'Lindsay Lohan gets hammered and forgets to dress from the waist down on a night out' stories. It's an artfully-composed naked Lindsay Lohan shoot.

At least we think it's Lindsay Lohan. She's hidden behind a transparent cloth for most of it and - since the fluorescent red glow from her vagina doesn't make our eyes burn like a mace attack - we have our doubts, frankly.

There's something we've missed since Lindsay Lohan got clean and left rehab, apart from all the shrieking and the cocaine-trousered DUI arrests, obviously.

And that's that Lindsay Lohan just doesn't give as many boneheaded magazine interviews that show a total absence of any self-awareness these days. But at least she knows about it, and she's trying to do something about it.

In her first post-rehab interview, Lindsay Lohan has said that most people thinks she doesn't know where her head is even though actually she does. Sigh. That's good crackpot Lindsay Lohan, but not great crackpot Lindsay Lohan. 

Rumour has it that some naked Britney Spears pictures taken by her paparazzo boyfriend have been sold to an Australian magazine.

Well, OK, they're not strictly naked Britney Spears pictures, because Britney's wearing a T-shirt. But it's a wet T-shirt. Well, it's soggy. Slightly damp. OK, so an Australian magazine has basically just bought some pictures of Britney Spears in a slightly damp T-shirt. Happy now?