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Lesbian

Scarlett Johansson’s Lesbian Kiss With Penelope Cruz Latest: Cannes Loves It

by Paul Sorrenti

A homosexual moment between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen’s latest movie is the talk of the 61st Cannes Film Festival.

Three cheers for Woody Allen and his much maligned interest in younger women!

The news should finally shut up all the player-haters out there – you know who you are! The ones of you who thought it ‘weird’ for a man to show a sexual interest in his own adopted daughter.

Well you can now jump off your high horses because, like World War 2 before, the ends always justify the means and the sight of Scarlett and Penelope lezzin’ off is no doubt a scene comparable to the most joyous of VE Day celebrations.

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Ellen & Portia To Sob About Puppies As Properly Married Couple

by Stuart Heritage

You know what’s hotter than lesbian sex? Lesbian sex rendered listless and infrequent by marriage!

And it turns out that’s exactly what Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will soon get to experience for themselves because – thanks to California overturning its ban on gay marriage – Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossie are totally getting married.

With the door opened for gay marriages in Hollywood, no doubt Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will want to be among the first lesbians to formalise their civil partnership. Because that way they’ll exponentially increase the chances of being the first lesbians to undertake a messy, bitterness-filled girl-on-girl celebrity divorce. We can’t wait!

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Michelle Rodriguez Won’t Tell Us What She Puts In Her Vagina

by Stuart Heritage

Michelle Rodriguez: gay or straight? That’s probably the question that keeps you awake most at night, admit it.

Ah, who are we kidding? There isn’t a soul on the face of the planet who really gives very much of a sniff about Michelle Rodriguez’s sexuality at all. Apart from Michelle Rodriguez, that is. She just refuses to ever bloody shut up about it. And, for your information, Michelle Rodriguez is keeping it a secret. She says “If I wanna fuck a girl, a boy, a dog, that’s my business.”

Oh my god, Michelle Rodriguez totally fucks dogs.

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Wait A Minute, Jodie Foster Is A Lesbian?

by Stuart Heritage

You know Jodie Foster, that actress who you’ve always presumed to be a lesbian even though she’s never explicitly stated as much in public?

Yeah, turns out she’s a lesbian. At the Hollywood Reporter’s Women in Entertainment Power 100 breakfast earlier this week, Jodie Foster decided that the time was right to bravely step out of the closet and admit her homosexuality to the world by dedicating an award to her same-sex partner of close to two decades. And Jodie Foster’s lesbian announcement sent ripples of shock throughout the planet, or at least throughout the one remaining partially-blind pensioner from the remotest part of rural Tajikistan who’d never been able to work out why that lovely Jodie Foster girl had avoided settling down with a nice man for so long.

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Britney Spears Blackmailing Paris Hilton?

by Shawn Lindseth

Well its always been a matter of time. Britney Spears has pictures of Paris Hilton without her fake eye, and is demanding Hilton be her full-term surrogate mother before those photos are destroyed. Paris Hilton’s gaping socket is said to be greasy, black and chock full of dead-end veins. Britney Spears is said to have [...]

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Samantha Janus Officially Not Into Drug-Filled Lesbian Orgies

by Stuart Heritage

Say what you like about Samatha Janus – actually, no, don’t say what you like about Samantha Janus, especially if it’s about how much Samantha Janus likes having lesbian orgies on drugs, because she’ll just end up suing you.

And more than that, she’ll end up winning – because Samantha Janus definitely, officially, legally doesn’t like to have massive lesbian orgies on drugs, because that’s what The Sunday Sport said about her and she’s just won a giant load of damages for it. And let’s hope that Samantha Janus’ disinterest in having massive sweaty lesbian orgies on drugs also stretches to the rest of her EastEnders TV family, because that way we know that the frankly rather sickening mental images we’ve been having of Phil Mitchell all red-faced in the middle of a three-hour massive sweaty lesbian sex orgy on drugs will never manifest themselves physically.

Say what you like about Samatha Janus - actually, no, don't say what you like about Samantha Janus, especially if it's about how much Samantha Janus likes having lesbian orgies on drugs, because she'll just end up suing you. And more than that, she'll end up winning - because Samantha Janus definitely, officially, legally doesn't like to have massive lesbian orgies on drugs, because that's what The Sunday Sport said about her and she's just won a giant load of damages for it. And let's hope that Samantha Janus' disinterest in having massive sweaty lesbian orgies on drugs also stretches to the rest of her EastEnders TV family, because that way we know that the frankly rather sickening mental images we've been having of Phil Mitchell all red-faced in the middle of a three-hour massive sweaty lesbian sex orgy on drugs will never manifest themselves physically.
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