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Going directly against the orders of Michael Bay, Megan Fox seems to be doing exactly the opposite to piling on some poundage.
Whereas the explosion-loving director ordered every young boy in the world’s wet dream to put some weight on for Transformers 2, the actress has revealed that she instead decides to clean herself out with vinegar.
No, we have no idea either.
But, reports have flooded in on all the websites you would hope to print them – namely the ones aimed at already-image-conscious young teenage girls, who are now likely to think that drinking vinegar is a viable dieting option. What a great example these Hollywood types set each and every day.
First Megan Fox decided to ruin the underwear of millions of men and boys around the world with the news she was going to lez off in her upcoming movie Jennifer’s Body. Then, as if the news of a “hot” and “hardcore” lesbian scene weren’t enough, it was revealed she would be doing some topless stuff too.
That girl really knows how to ruin lives, that’s for sure.
After destroying millions of male psyches with the news of her lesbo-nudity, the sexiest woman in the world has turned her attention on the female populace. While she isn’t going for the same technique of making lonely young men/slightly pervy older men masturbate themselves into oblivion, she is still trying to ruin lives through the power of her actions alone.
And while Michael Bay wants her to be a fatty fighting the good fight alongside Shia LaBeouf, the Fox isn’t having any of it. Confessing to something of a ‘sweet tooth’ – which, in Hollywood language probably means she eats some things sometimes – she who likes to ruin your day by appearing in some suggestive poses on a normally decent website (usually when you’re innocently looking for celebrity news) has decided she will drink vinegar to help her keep in shape.
Speaking to someone who was apparently writing this stuff down – or recording it – the bushy-tailed one said:
“”It’s just water and raw apple cider vinegar, and it just cleans out your system entirely. It will get rid of, for women who retain water weight, from your menstrual cycle and all that, it gets rid of it really fast (sic). I’m not one for dieting or exercising, ’cause I’m lazy and I have a really big sweet tooth, so I have to do cleanses every once in a while ’cause of the amount of sugar I take in.””
That just happens to sound utterly disgusting in every way shape and form – even the wording of the sentences brings up the bile. But it would seem the (possibly) evil Megan Fox doesn’t care how much bile we bring up, and she wants to ruin the health of teenage girls around the world (maybe), who are sure to copy her (possibly) in their never-ending quest to look like all the people they see in the magazines.
Just like all the boys want to copy Shia LaBeouf and crash their cars, thus messing up their hands.
We would go on to say something about how the Fox needs some (La)beef in her diet, but even hecklerspray isn’t that cheap. Even if we are struggling with a slow news day, and are resorting to the Charlie Brooker-approved ‘fit as many dodgy keywords into an article as you can’ technique. Professionalism right there, baby.