Lindsay Lohan, as we all know, likes to keep herself to herself. Like Thom Yorke and Paul Scholes before her, she is an A-grade enigma. As to what makes her tick, we just don’t know.
The only decent look inside her that we have had so far taught us little more than the fact that a vagina should really only be viewed in the cordial context of the bedroom, otherwise they can look quite menacing and no matter how hard you look at it, this particular insight was not quite wide enough to see through to her inner-soul.
But those days of mystery are now behind us, because
So then guys, is Lindsay Lohan engaged to DJ Samantha Ronson? Is Lindsay Lohan a lesbian? Will she ever finally disappear? Christa D’Souza doesn’t find out any of this, which begs the question: What is the point of Christa D’Souza?
Instead, Christa D’Souza asks things like: what address-book cover do you have? to which Lindsay replies: Smythson. I love Smythson.
See what we mean about insights? One minute you know nothing about a person and the next minute along comes Christa D’Souza and suddenly you learn not only what kind of address book cover the person has, but also that address-book covers exist. The truth shall set you free, so lets have some more:
Christa D’Souza asks: What is your favourite designer label? Lindsay Lohan says: Balenciaga. Hecklerspray wonders: who could possibly give a shit?
Christa D’Souza asks: But what about Dolce and Gabbana? Lindsay Lohan says: Omigod, they’re such good people to be around, And the way their dresses fit. If I get married, I would definitely want them to do the gown. Hecklerspray wonders: Is this why Paul Scholes never does post-match interviews; because he has nothing of any interest to say? A lot of you ask: Who is this Paul Scholes and why do you keep using him in reference to Lindsay Lohan? Hecklerspray says: Fair point.
The interview takes place in the outdoor café of a photo studio off Melrose Avenue in – coolest city in the world – Los Angeles. Lindsay is with a small entourage, which includes a chap named Lorit, who is Lindsay’s ‘personal spray-tanner’.
There are no words.
At one point Christa D’Souza actually says:
Let us not forget one small fact. Lohan can actually act, as anybody who saw her in The Parent Trap, Mean Girls, Freaky Friday or even the widely panned Georgia Rule, would surely have to agree.
We know. We know. The world is fucking weird. To which Lindsay replies, no doubt shocked out of her skull:
Well, thank you, that’s nice, because that’s what I do: I act. That’s what I’ve done since I was seven. People seem to lose sight of that. They skim over it, they’re more interested in seeing a picture of me slipping in the rain, which I did last night, and someone got a picture . . .(at his point Lindsay gets distracted and turns to her friend, Jeni) Are you going to have some cheesecake? Ya are? Okay, gimme some too. But with just a little whipped cream, okay?
Yep, that made it into the interview. If you are interested in more stuff like this than either follow the link below or find the nearest rifle, pretend you are Lindsay Lohan and the barrel is Callum Best’s dirty-fudgestick, apologise to God for being a moron and plaster the walls around you with your useless brain/skull juice.
Read More – Lindsay Lohan talks about her troubled life – The Sunday Times
David Bryden says
Last time I gave an interview like that one, I was rewarded with a dollar off my next purchase.
... says
I love you for writting this.. its the most useless interview ive ever had the displeasure to read.
David Bryden says
Some may think this interview was shallow.
Some may say it reads like a 3-minute conversation desperately padded out with background material and visual descriptions.
But I disagree. There is a jewel of precious intrigue hidden in the haystack of waffle;
>> the scent line she has “sorta been experimenting
>> with – this oil that I made up myself”
What?!? Is Lindsay Lohan a chemist? Has she a mass spectrometer and a closet of glass tubes secreted at her home? Does she spend hours in a white coat and safety glasses?
Damn you, Christa D’Souza, for not following up that comment! Call yourself a journalist?
gir says
Probably very nearly alone among Americans who read at least 30% of this article, I know who Paul Scholes is.
Fucking gingers get everywhere, I swear.
Harry says
California is slowly drifting away from North America thanks to the nature of the tectonic plates, but the drift is accelerating hugely due to the sheer pressure of fantasy and loveliness now concentrating in Los Angeles. That airy region will soon detach itself from all of western civilization and reunite with Oz, somewhere in the vast bosom of the Pacific Ocean, in order to fulfill its ethereal destiny. Lindsay Lohan knows this of course and is simply biding her time, dismissing all lesser considerations while strewing flowers and hints in the media. But we fail to hear.