Well she’s finally gone and done it – at one time she was one of hecklerspray’s mainstays, attracting thousands through our doors with the mere mention of her name.
Now she never does anything exciting – never gets her bits out after a night on the lash (or even intentionally), never gets into public spats with other drunken little girls – she doesn’t even get hit by motorbikes any more. Yes folks, Lindsay Lohan has become a great big pile of dull for us to cover here at hecklerspray towers. We mean, sure, her sister is attempting to whip up some controversy, thus making us all smile, but it just doesn’t have the same effect.
Lindsay just had something about her that made you laugh even harder when she did something completely moronic.
And now, if reports are to be believed, it seems that Lindsay Lohan is going to get married to her partner Sam Ronson. Oh, for those in the dark, that’s ‘Sam’ as in ‘Samantha’. Lindsay decided she preferred girls, then went dull. It’s always the way with old friends, isn’t it?
When we reported the apparent engagement of Lindsay and Sam all the way back in May there was a lot of speculation surrounding the story, with some pretty baseless info being thrown around. A classic Lohan story, in other words. And in the fine traditions of hecklerspray, the wedding reports are being handled in exactly the same way, with numerous ‘sources’ and random news sites being consulted for the prime-rib info on the matter.
As well as to check whether she’s gone and got naked while pissed up and set fire to an orphanage or something. Just for old time’s sake, you know?
But no – this would appear to be a new Lindsay Lohan. One very much in love with her femi-beau Sam Ronson and one happy to declare her love in a private ceremony later this year, after California overturned its ban on gay marriage.
Wait – “private”? See, with this new Lindsay we could believe that, but then sources have told the media that:
“They’ve been keeping the relationship quiet for months and trying to pass each other off as ‘just good friends’. But they’ve decided it isn’t a fling, it’s for life – so they want to make their romance public. Dina is still working on the date of the party but it’s looking like towards the end of the year.”
Yes kids – Dina Lohan is organising it. Does anyone else want to place bets on how private this whole thing is actually going to be? Put hecklerspray down for ‘not very’.
Hopefully Dina can put some of her ever-present pushy mum influence into the ceremony and we can have the very public, very embarrassing event that we are all clearly hoping for, with a drunk, stumbling Lindsay slurring about threatening to fight lamp posts.
Not that we’d wish any ill health or unhappiness on the girl, obviously. We’re just quite bored without her being herself.