Articles tagged with: Kelly Osbourne
Kelly Osbourne Thumps Off To Rehab
An arrest and a trip to rehab within the same week? Hold the phone, Lindsay Lohan's packed the weight on. Wait, what? This isn't a story about Lindsay Lohan? This is actually a story about Kelly Osbourne? But the arrest-inspired rehab visit is Lindsay Lohan's idea! Why is Kelly Osbourne trying to copy Lindsay Lohan so much? What else of Lindsay's is Kelly going to copy? Her halfhearted music career? Good christ, she's even done that! What's wrong with the girl? Basically, Kelly Osbourne has checked into rehab for the next 30 days. We didn't know pastry could be so addictive.
An arrest and a trip to rehab within the same week? Hold the phone, Lindsay Lohan's packed the weight on. Wait, what? This isn't a story about Lindsay Lohan? This is actually a story about Kelly Osbourne? But the arrest-inspired rehab visit is Lindsay Lohan's idea! Why is Kelly Osbourne trying to copy Lindsay Lohan so much? What else of Lindsay's is Kelly going to copy? Her halfhearted music career? Good christ, she's even done that! What's wrong with the girl? Basically, Kelly Osbourne has checked into rehab for the next 30 days. We didn't know pastry could be so addictive.
Kelly Osbourne Arrested On A Charge Of Violent Fisticuffs
Lesson of the day: never, ever, go up to an Osbourne lady and start dissing their men, because they are lunatics. Oh, alright, alleged lunatics. Just a couple of weeks after Sharon Osbourne apparently attacked a bikini model after hearing a slur about Ozzy, Kelly Osbourne has been arrested for assault after allegedly slapping a journalist who insinuated that her boyfriend didn't know what an earthquake was. If you ask us, Jack Osbourne must be feeling left out. Maybe if we make up a good enough lie we'll be able to goad him into punching a nun unconscious or something.
Lesson of the day: never, ever, go up to an Osbourne lady and start dissing their men, because they are lunatics. Oh, alright, alleged lunatics. Just a couple of weeks after Sharon Osbourne apparently attacked a bikini model after hearing a slur about Ozzy, Kelly Osbourne has been arrested for assault after allegedly slapping a journalist who insinuated that her boyfriend didn't know what an earthquake was. If you ask us, Jack Osbourne must be feeling left out. Maybe if we make up a good enough lie we'll be able to goad him into punching a nun unconscious or something.
Kelly Osbourne Slaps All Those Who Claim Her Beau Knows Little About Earth Science
If you don't have at least a couple of hours to spare - never bring up the topic of earthquakes around Kelly Osbourne's boyfriend. If you do, he'll likely tell you all about how they are a sudden release of energy from deep within the earth, and how they're caused by plate tectonics. Then, if your experience is anything like ours, the topic of plate tectonics will send him on a Pangea tangent, and he'll tell you about how the continents are all drifting back together at incredibly slow speeds, and they're all gonna collide one day causing brand new mountain ranges to pop up all along former coast lines. Oh, also he'll say something about praying you're not alive when that time comes. He even used a laser pointer and a colour-coded slide show. A real pill, we tell ya. One writer didn't know earthquakes were the secret passion of Kelly Osbourne's newest flame. We're not sure what boyfriend's name is, and we really can't be bothered to check. Let's just call him Big Gay Bruce. Anyway - one author recently said something about Big Gay Bruce not knowing how an earthquake happens. This, apparently, led to a slap-happy assault on the author by Osbourne herself - with hands flying everywhere! Except not in the plural!
If you don't have at least a couple of hours to spare - never bring up the topic of earthquakes around Kelly Osbourne's boyfriend. If you do, he'll likely tell you all about how they are a sudden release of energy from deep within the earth, and how they're caused by plate tectonics. Then, if your experience is anything like ours, the topic of plate tectonics will send him on a Pangea tangent, and he'll tell you about how the continents are all drifting back together at incredibly slow speeds, and they're all gonna collide one day causing brand new mountain ranges to pop up all along former coast lines. Oh, also he'll say something about praying you're not alive when that time comes. He even used a laser pointer and a colour-coded slide show. A real pill, we tell ya. One writer didn't know earthquakes were the secret passion of Kelly Osbourne's newest flame. We're not sure what boyfriend's name is, and we really can't be bothered to check. Let's just call him Big Gay Bruce. Anyway - one author recently said something about Big Gay Bruce not knowing how an earthquake happens. This, apparently, led to a slap-happy assault on the author by Osbourne herself - with hands flying everywhere! Except not in the plural!
