This just in: Kelly Osbourne can fit into fashion sample sizes and she has become as gleefully smug as she is thin.
Isn’t that just wonderful. The reality star, who lost an alarming amount of weight after being on Dancing With The Stars this year, has been on several shows talking about how she lost weight.
Mostly, Kelly credits not being a pig and lifting her buttocks off the sofa, one at a time, and working out for 30-minutes-per-day.
So, less pies. More butt lifting. Got that?
Her diet is so easy-to-follow that the 25-year-old is posing on the cover of a health and fitness magazine to show off her new figure and share weight loss tips.
For an upcoming issue of Shape, Kelly is posing in a bikini. Her first ever bikini. Seriously. She claims she never even thought about trying on a bikini before losing weight. You know. Because of all the pies. And she actually cried with excitement, as did those around her, when she first tried one on.
In her new role as thin Hollywood ingenue, Kelly notes that her peers are suddenly threatened by her. Being thin around other thin people will have that affect. Also, they’re always grouchy due to the lack of delicious lard in their diets.
Kelly was the real life equivalent of the perfectly-adequate-looking-friend with thick glasses and a ponytail who got sidelined in a movie until she shed both. Think Janey Briggs in Not Another Teen Movie. Specifically, Kelly says that her former Blackberry friends don’t want to come out and play anymore. They’re getting openly more nasty. Where they’d once say hello they’re now ignoring her.
From Showbiz Spy:
The 25-year-old star admits she is still getting used to her new shape and feels shocked every time she sees a picture of herself. ?My weight? People don't realise it's as shocking to me as it is to them. When they open up a magazine and they see it? I'm still getting used to seeing me like this and the changes and the way that? it's weird!? she said. ?Girls in Hollywood don't like you because you become competition. They have started to get much more nasty. You think, ?Usually you say hi and now you don't.??
There’s no putting the hair back in a ponytail and the glasses are? long gone. She should just embrace it, get some ribs removed and really show people what she’s working with. Hollywood is pretty much just one giant high school where every one’s dating each other and girls are hyper-competitive and catty. We’re pretty much sure the rib-removal thing is the best way forward.
This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, so hooray for that.
alibee says
She looks like David Coulthard in drag.
Tom J says
It’s a shame she can’t lose any weight from her massive square head because now she looks like some kind of horrific bobble-head doll. No amount of exercise will fix that monumental Osbourne jaw-line and I’m inclined to think that she looked a lot more normal when the rest of her body was to scale with it.
Cookie Monster says
Great post! At least two of my bumcheeks rippled with laughter. It may have been more, but sometimes it’s so hard to tell. I agree that the KOsbourne did look a bit healthier with the previous pounds. With the tat’s, black-rooted blonde hair, and ciggy hanging out of her mouth like a wilted, erm, cookie, she’s a bit Winehouse. It’s a shame that impersonating a crackhead is the only talent that was passed-down to young miss Osbourne. Jack Osbourne White-Black has fared a bit better with his tee-shirt business.
That aside, my bumcheeks can’t wait for the dieting tips! I’ve the feeling that tip one through nine are a variation of “you put the coke in the coconut, and snort it all up”. Number ten may be a toss-up between “snort more cocaine” and “smoka da crack”.
Someday, those that are Hollywood will share their real weightloss tips. Do you have a scalpel and a Shop Vac, kids? Hooray!
EssBen says
Personally I love a bit of flesh on the laydees, but it would still be far too much like knobbing her dad.