You’ll all be pleased to know that singer George Michael is making good progress as he recovers from a recent bout of pneumonia in Vienna. That’s good isn’t it? He’ll be cocking around the Christmas Tree in his giant house just in time to watch the Queen’s speech, before driving off somewhere, full of festive pot and making us all throw our paper hats into the fire in disgust.
The 48 year old singer fell ill in Austria last month and breathing difficulties meant he was stuck in intensive care, while you lot ate your selection boxes early and speculated about stuff that was none of your business.
Earlier in the week boyfriend Fadi Fawaz claimed the singer would be out of hospital by December 25th and suggested there was nothing to worry about. So that’s settled then isn’t it?
Read More >>>
George Michael must’ve been running around the heath without his vest on because he’s gone and got himself a nice dose of pneumonia, which means that Hev from Eastenders won’t be able to go to his gigs because he went and cancelled them.
Y’know, because of the pneumonia?
George was hospitalised on Monday in Austria, so this must be a pretty bad cold he’s got. We need to know exactly how bad it is though, for a myriad of reasons. We basically need to be told whether he’s about to die or not.
Read More >>>
In news which prompted the Metropolitan Police to issue the statement “Thank fuck for that, now he’s someone else’s problem”, George Michael has ‘announced’ a new tour.
Okay, so this isn’t your actual press conference announcement, but he did post something on Twitter that made it sound like he’ll drag his flabby carcass out on a tour.
And to hecklerspray, a Tweet is just about as good as a court-certified affadavit, witnessed by God and the baby Jesus, and guaranteed by powdered unicorn horn and rainbow juice.
Read More >>>
Remember when George Michael was a successful singer? Remember those days when he would appear on our televisions and Alba stereo systems to open and close his mouth in a really tuneful way? Remember that?
Now he’s just a filthy criminal. He’s a number, not a human and hanging is too good for him or something. He’s a dirty little drug-rat who tried to kill a photo shop with a stupid name that was completely innocent.
However, despite selling millions of records, George Michael is no different from any other manky convict shitting in a bucket and suppressing the squeals of delight over the shared prison bongo mag. Not different AT ALL. Read More >>>
George Michael is far from the first pop star to get chucked in prison. He’s not the first to get chided for taking drugs either. However, there’s something almost sweet about the way he decided to get hooked on weed.
Heroin makes you look like a balloon of pus, whereas a bag of hash a day clearly has minor implications for a person, like crashing into a photo developing shop with a stupid name and, er, well… getting sent to prison to be sung at by sex offenders. Ah.
Apparently, cheering and singing broke out round Pentonville jail when prisoners found out pop star George Michael would be serving his time with them. Read More >>>
Oh dear. George Michael has been jailed for eight weeks after he got stoned out of his little mind and crashed his car.
Jesus. It’s like writing about some scally who just passed his test! Was he listening to some sub-bass heavy Euro trance while he was at it with a glove box full of 10p Pickled Onion Meanies?
Anyway, the crooner was arrested in July in Hampstead, north London after crashing his Range Rover into a shop. Presumably to get his hands on yet more 10p Meanies.
Last month, he was handed a six-month interim driving ban after pleading guilty to driving under the influence of drugs and possessing cannabis.
Feel free to make your own jokes about ‘Freedom’ and all that gubbins… or him being behind Wham bars or… *shoots self*
Breaking news type of thing alert! George Michael has reportedly been charged with driving under the influence of drink and drugs. Honestly! He’s a one-man Cheech and Chong. We reckon he could smoke Method Man and Redman under a table. Probably.
The former Wham bar was also charged with possession of cannabis, reports Sky News. How many packets of Space Raiders do you think he goes through in a week?
Anyway, Michael was freed on bail following his arrest this morning and is due to appear before Highbury magistrates on August 24th. This is all because he had a slight accident when he crashed his car into a shop.
More news when we get it. Feel free to abuse in the comments.
Rule of Pop: never give your group an onomatopoeic name that sounds like a car crashing into a shop.
Like Wham! That’s just stupid. Because you’re inevitably going to grow up to be primarily known for crashing your car into a selection of inanimate objects, aren’t you, and that’d just be handing it to the headline writers on a plate. Instead, play it safe and go for a more abstract onomatopoeic name, like Snersh! or Mumph! or Ker-Blitch!
It’s advice that George Michael probably wishes that he’d listened to, because he’s been arrested for crashing into the Hampstead branch of Snappy Snaps. And almost immediately after getting his licence back following a two-year ban for crashing into something else, too. What are the chances? Oh, the chances are quite high because George Michael has a long and proven history of grossly irresponsible driving? Oh, OK.
Read More >>>
