Articles tagged with: George Michael
December 26th of every year hecklerspray starts compiling its Christmas list for the next holiday season. Thus far our 2008 compilation consists of things like a baby dolphin, a man-servant to drag said dolphin around and help make our parents jealous, and a life-size bust of George Michael's head made completely out of gold, diamonds and a deliciously nougatty center. We're 90% sure there's a baby dolphin in a box under our mother's bed, and we've noticed someone put man-servant.com on our internet browser's favorites list, so we really think our first two examples are covered. As far as the gold and diamond Michael bust goes though - we're quickly losing hope. The singer himself is said to be ordering the only one available. It's a good idea if you think about it though, because the statue can sit at the steering wheel with its eyes propped way open if he wanted another boozy parked car pass-out. That'll mean less tickets.
When George Michael is caught being a dimwit in public he tends to respond with either an apology or a furious phonecall to Richard & Judy. And, since Richard & Judy isn't on the telly any more, that means that George Michael only has one way to respond to his arrest this weekend on suspicion of sitting on a toilet in Hampstead Heath trying to eat a chunk of crack the size of an owl, or whatever it was that he was arrested for. In short, now that he's been cautioned for his possession of crack, George Michael has issued an apology to all his fans promising that he's going to try and overcome his drug problems once and for all. And a good thing too, because all the George Michael fans needed to calm down - otherwise they'd have done a really slapdash job of cutting everyone's hair today.
Americans, if you happen to stumble across an incoherent hairy Greek man asleep at the wheel of his car this summer, don't be alarmed.
Although his unshaven appearance and man boogly eyes might make you think he's homeless or a terrorist, chances are it'll just be George Michael.
George Michael has announced his first tour of America for 17 years. It'll be an undoubtedly emotional tour for him - not only will it be a chance for George Michael to claw back some of the fame he lost there in the last decade and a half but he might even get a free weekend to wank at another policeman in a toilet again, just for old time's sake.
Want to know exactly what was going through George Michael's mind when he waggled his todger at a policeman in a public Los Angeles toilet?
Oh, come on, yes you do. You do. Just like you want to know how George Michael felt when he called up Richard and Judy to defend getting caught wanking off a stranger in a bush.
And soon you'll know, because George Michael has just announced that he's to write his autobiography, and it'll include every single important event from his life apart from all the bits that he forgot because he fell asleep in the middle of them.
