In news which prompted the Metropolitan Police to issue the statement “Thank fuck for that, now he’s someone else’s problem”, George Michael has ‘announced’ a new tour.
Okay, so this isn’t your actual press conference announcement, but he did post something on Twitter that made it sound like he’ll drag his flabby carcass out on a tour.
And to hecklerspray, a Tweet is just about as good as a court-certified affadavit, witnessed by God and the baby Jesus, and guaranteed by powdered unicorn horn and rainbow juice.
So: George Michael is definitely going to do another tour. Yippee!
Here’s the twat’s tweet :
Face it paps, hacks and haters? the album will sell great, the tour will sell out, and the fans remain some of the loyalest in the world.
Now let’s face it: if you were applying for a spiffy job and had to provide a character witness, you probably wouldn’t choose George Michael. Firstly because you’ve never met George Michael, and his inflated sense of self-importance means you never will. But also because he’s a headcharged weedfreak, who can’t seem to go a month at a time without pissing off the Plod and ending up in jail, like he was pretending to be from Liverpool or something.
But this tweet (“…the tour will sell out…”) does seem to hint that George Michael is ready to get back on the circuit. Which is great news for the weedsellers and dopedanglers in Cardiff, Manchester, Newcastle and Edinburgh. Also (assuming his popularity may have somewhat dropped off) those in Aberdeen, Chester, Wolverhampton and Buckton-Upon-Lees Community Centre.
So. Do we believe this chong-bonging music maestro’s angry little tweet or not? Oh, we would love to.
If only so we get to write headlines like “Club Bongicana”, “Careless Waster” and “George Michael Falls Asleep Live On Stage Because He Was Chonged Off His Head On Moroccan Black”.
Happy days.
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Pop Fan says
Paul, you’re probably either too young or too stupid to understand the seismic impact Wham! had back in the early nineties. Back then it was all raincoated northern lads with malnourished whippets in toe, then – as if by magic – POP!!!! Yep, you heard me POP!!!!!!!!!!! Y’know the kind that mother used to make…as long as yer mam happened to be Carole King or Ellie Greenwich, which is a tad unlikely, I suppose. POP!!!!!! Yep, imagine the MOTOWN SOUND in GLORIOUS COCKING TECHNICOLOUR, played on a brand new shiny keyboard rather than on bits of stagnant rotting wood. Wham? had an impact that it is impossible to quantify, no, your fancy app on your IPAD2 won’t help you now Internet Boy. Basically it boiled down to a combination of good old fashioned ELBOW GREASE, SYNERGY and CRACKING tunes. STICK THAT IN YER BONG AND
SMOKE IT! PEACE.
gilbert wham says
Wham had an impact in the 90s? I rather thought their star was in the descendant by then. Mind you, Rotterdam Termination Source had an impact on me in the 90s, but I think we went to different parties…
Cookie Monster says
Best comment ever? No, no it is not. However, POP!!!!!!!!!!! and GLORIOUS COCKING TECHNICOLOUR. Ahh, the possibilities… POP!!!!!!!!!!!
CatWhisperer says
Well said, Pop fan. Even if you disregard Wham, GM is a freakin talented SOB!