George Michael is far from the first pop star to get chucked in prison. He’s not the first to get chided for taking drugs either. However, there’s something almost sweet about the way he decided to get hooked on weed.
Heroin makes you look like a balloon of pus, whereas a bag of hash a day clearly has minor implications for a person, like crashing into a photo developing shop with a stupid name and, er, well… getting sent to prison to be sung at by sex offenders. Ah.
Apparently, cheering and singing broke out round Pentonville jail when prisoners found out pop star George Michael would be serving his time with them.
Sadly for George (aka prisoner A8365AW), he wasn’t in the mood for joining in the fun and games because he was being strip-searched at the time and ready to be thrown into the sex offenders’ block ready for a good mocking and howled versions of songs from his back catalogue.
Quite why the prison service decided to stick him in with the sex offenders is something of a puzzle. It seems that the authorities thought he might be safer among the paedophiles and sex offenders. That’s probably the only time you’ll see the notion of someone being safe amongst sexual predators on these pages.
Anyway, one inmate revealed (how, we don’t know):
“As soon as he arrived some of the prisoners burst into a rendition of Freedom.
“And when he was taken to shower they sang ‘Guilty George has got no freedom’ to the tune of Careless Whisper. He is sulking. He’s wearing prison-issue tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt but doesn’t have any shoes on.
“When the cells were unlocked in the morning he just sat there and refused to come out. Everyone was peering out of their windows overlooking the exercise yard expecting to see him but he didn’t show.”
Thinking of George in prison, without his shoes on, reminds us of the scenes from Scum featuring intellectual joker, Archer, who refuses to wear boots because it conflicts with some imagined religion. Hopefully, George will play a similar prankster role while incarcerated, leaving wardens to quip: “How is Mecca, Georgie boy?”
Aside from this glibbery, the singer isn’t happy at all.
A source said in The Mirror:
“He was not happy about being strip-searched at all. He told the guards, ‘God, is this really necessary? It’s degrading’.”
Not that this bothered the inmates. They wanted an impromptu show like Cliff at Wimbledon.
Convicted shoplifter with an exotic sounding name, Joao Sena, released yesterday, said:
“We were shouting ‘George Michael’s coming, bring him on!’.”
“He was where the paedophiles, grasses and sex offenders are all kept. It’s not a nice place but because George is a celebrity the prison bosses must have thought he’s vulnerable.”
The prison has apparently offered Michael Subutex, which is a drug given to prisoners with a history of drug abuse. It’s understood that George refused the medication… presumably because you can get bags of skunk really easily whilst ‘inside’, so there’s no point is there?
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