Articles tagged with: Donald Trump
You have to love Donald Trump - he has a 'never say die' that holds firm even in the face of something as persuasive as common sense. That's why Donald Trump is wheeling out another season of Celebrity Apprentice. And, boy, are there some names this year. None of them are famous, you understand, but they do have names. Apparently the media were informed about the Celebrity Apprentice contestants back in October, but were sworn to secrecy until now. Presumably this was because they needed three and a half months to Google the contestants to see who any of them actually were.
For as long as mankind has had any level of self-awareness, we've all enjoyed watching one-legged middle aged women flip, twirl, and rhythmically pounce all about. That's why even if it had aired ten thousand years ago, that Dancing With The Stars season wherein Heather Mills was featured would have scored real high in the Nielsen ratings. Think of the advertising rates cavemen would have been willing to pay! Donald Trump, at least momentarily, thought it would be a pretty good idea to have Mills sitting in his Celebrity Apprentice boardroom. We don't blame him - she'd scuff the carpet 50% less than anyone else, vastly elongating the life of whatever carpet is involved. That's why Trump's a millionaire - he thinks about the little things like that. Ends up though that Mills isn't welcome on that show. According to rumour, she demanded a contractual stipulation that said if she appeared on the show, she'd be guaranteed a spot in the finale.
Being a nobody is sure to be hard work, especially in the wonderful world of celebrity where it's a constant struggle to get noticed. To get noticed purely for being a no-talent twit with all the affability of a particularly itchy and prominently positioned boil, that is. We at the mighty hecklerspray wouldn't know about this from first-hand experience, of course, as we are friendly, approachable, talented and popular. As well as influential. But we learn how difficult it must be for these not-even-Z-listers that pop up every now and then when yet another publicity grabbing event occurs. This time it's the turn of Omarosa. Wait - who?
It's difficult to imagine what sort of corporate environment Heather Mills would flourish within - Widely Despised Monoped GoldDiggers Inc, perhaps, or Beatle Fleecers PLC.
That hasn't stopped suspiciously-haired zillionaire Donald Trump from name-dropping Ms. Mills in relation to the new series of US show The Celebrity Apprentice, however.
After the last batch of episodes featured such luminaries as Lennox Lewis, Piers Morgan, Gene Simmons and that bloke who was shot on a boat in The Sopranos, Trump has confirmed that several wannabes have been angling for a slot in the new run... and that the ex-Ms. McCartney was among them.
Most divorced couples hate the guts out of each other, but Donald and Ivana Trump don't - Donald and Ivana Trump have got class. We're just kidding. Donald Trump and Ivana Trump aren't classy at all - they're essentially just incredibly wealthy chavs who don't like anything unless it's covered in repulsive amounts of gold - but they still like each other, and that was our original point. How much do Donald Trump and Ivana Trump like each other? So much that when Ivana Trump got married for the fourth time this weekend, she got married on Donald Trump's estate. In front of Donald Trump. In a ceremony conducted by Donald Trump's sister. There's a rumour that Ivana Trump will also only make love to her new husband if he's wearing a Donald Trump facemask, but that's probably untrue because - christ - imagine having sex with Donald Trump. Bleurgh.
The movie Pretty Woman, which we think won a Pulitzer Prize at the 1932 Nuremberg Olympics, was written so well it made the whole world stop and take notice that filthy hookers can have feelings too.
And in a case like this our sweet caring planet isn’t quick to forget. No, in the 35 or so years since the film came out, body-whores have been treated like wined and dined, absolute upper-crust royalty. That’s why they don’t pay taxes. The body-whore is far too sensitive a creature to have to pay taxes. Also there are several government programs designed to give them leopard-spotted spandex pants for free. This is an essential tool to their trade.
The globally accepted widespread affinity to the oldest profession has sparked many acts of good nature. Why, even recently an outreached hand has been extended to a wonderful, wonderful twenty-something night-lady. Donald Trump has recently offered Spitzer's harlot a gig on his new reality show.
We heard it’s mostly like the Apprentice but with slightly more AIDS tests and the winner gets a cathouse. If it's produced well enough, it could very well lead to another 1932 Nuremberg Pulitzer.
Heather Mills looks for three things in a man - 1) considerable age, 2) incredible wealth and 3) a haircut so bad that it makes children cry.
With this in mind, you'd expect that Donald Trump would be locked away in his panic room at the moment until the threat subsides, but that's not how Donald Trump rolls at all.
Donald Trump believes in looking fear in the eye, which is why - rather than hiding from Heather Mills, he's invited her to become a judge in his Miss USA pageant. Miss USA, of course, is the beauty pageant that keeps getting brought into disrepute thanks to all those naked pictures from the contestants' past. That's got nothing to do with Heather Mills. We just happened to mention it. Ahem.
