Posts tagged as:

death

Michael Jackson’s Unseen Documentary Footage Doesn’t Interest Or Excite Anyone At London Auction

by Matthew Laidlow

Does anyone ever get the feeling that you can have too much of a good thing? Imagine if someone forced you to live on nothing but steak for a year. You’d get sick of it after a while, no matter how much you love chewing bovine. The same can’t be said about Michael Jackson fans. [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Janet Jackson Designs Fur Range, Which Will No Doubt Make The Ghost Of Michael Cry

by Mof Gimmers

Do you know how they make mink coats? They get a mink and shout obscenities at it – IN MINK LANGUAGE – until it cries. Then, they make then stand on their hindly mink legs until they break before men come in and kick the skin off them. Then, worst of all, the skinless, frightened [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Michael Jackson Was A Bit Of A Pranker

by Matthew Laidlow

Over the last few years, stories regarding Michael Jackson have all focused on one specific issue. That’s right, his demise from this world and descent into a tacky gold coffin that’s buried deep underground so nutjob fans can’t rub their genitals across it. More recent events have led to the climax of Jackson’s life where [...]

3 comments Read more >>>

Johnny Depp And Other White Men Favourites To Play Michael Jackson In Biopic (Features Amazing Eddie Murphy Video)

by Mof Gimmers

Finding a man to play Michael Jackson in a biopic is no easy task. Listen, LaToya Jackson is surely not in the picture, despite being MJ’s reanimated corpse. Think about it. You need someone who vaguely looks like the former King of Pop. Naturally, what with Michael going from handsome black man to Roswell white [...]

5 comments Read more >>>

Michael Jackson’s Deathbed, No Longer For Sale, Spoiling All Your Masturbatory Needs

by Mof Gimmers

Deathbed for sale. What a peculiar notion. That said, it has a lovely ring to it. It almost sounds like an Agatha Christie thriller. Either way, Michael Jackson’s deathbed was up for auction so that his mental fans could buy it and have sex with themselves in it. That’s because they’re hugely lonely and there’s [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Even Michael Jackson’s Ghost Can’t Catch A Break When It Comes To Employing People (MJ Tribute Goes Bust!)

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Michael Jackson’s amazing tribute event in Cardiff where people bought overpriced tickets to watch Alien Ant Farm, 3T, JLS and LaToya Jackson (aka Michael’s animated corpse) prance around on MJ’s grave? Of course, most of the Jackson family thought the tribute was in terrible taste, what with it taking place in the middle of [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Badvertising: Two Rubbish Adverts For The Price Of One

by Michael Park

There is a definite trend of companies recycling their expensive adverts of yesteryear in order to save themselves a bit of cash. To be honest, there isn’t a lot we can say as a criticism of that. Times are tough and if your product hasn’t changed very much then why bother going to the effort [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Boring Robert Pattinson Is Worried His Rubbish Career Will Be Over When Awful Twilight Ends

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson is crashingly dull. He’s so dull that rain water has been known to hurl itself into furnaces in a bid to escape his terrific tedium. Rumour has it that R-Pattz is so boring that his blood clots into scabs while still in his veins everytime he wakes. Once, it has been said, Robert [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

David Gest Makes Michael Jackson Film (Will Anyone Mention Plastic Surgery?)

by Mof Gimmers

Ever looked at David Gest and wondered if he keeps his face in position with a large bulldog clip like Kent Brockman from The Simpsons? If so, when he takes it off, does his head look like a hot scrotum? Either way, Gest seems like a decent enough bloke for someone who has been ravaged [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Michael Jackson Jokes Banned On Janet Jackson’s Tour, Freedom Of Speech In Turmoil

by Matthew Laidlow

Towards the end of his dog-eared career, Michael Jackson began to resemble an eerie looking clown who’s wax face was tarnishing in a mild midday heat. See, we can say that because that’s our opinion. But if you go to a concert by not-so-important Jackson sibling Janet, that right will be taken from you. Due [...]

10 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →