Posts tagged as:

death

Readers’ Letters: “THIS IS MEANT TO BE A WEBSITE?!” Or “How To Make Friends With Morons”

by Michael Park

It’s Friday and the hecklerspray bedsit has breathed a collective sigh of relief as they’re allowed out into the world to live among functioning humans for a couple of days. Unfortunately, I’m still here as there are Readers’ Letters to be analysed. Still, it’s nice to have a bit of peace and quiet to work. [...]

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Demi Moore’s 911 Emergency Call Is Early Contender For Christmas No1

by Mof Gimmers

As well you know, Demi Moore’s suffering and being rushed to hospital after seizures from alleged narcotics, is simply not enough for us. The fact she’s so unhappy is fine and all, but we need more. Like what? We all need to hear her cry for help. It’s not good enough knowing that she was [...]

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Demi Moore Needs a Nap In Hospital Because She’s Probably About To Die

by Euan L Davidson

You can’t fault Demi Moore’s record. Some terrible, terrible films aside, some people forget that she put up with really, really Republican gunslinger Bruce Willis’ penis for a considerable amount of time, before taking on Ashton Kutcher in his most elaborate “Punk’d” episode so far. Fresh from divorcing the “Butterfly Effect”, um, star (well, he [...]

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Drake Proves To Be World’s Lamest Rapper As He Cries About Snow

by Mof Gimmers

Are you familiar with Drake? If not, then all you need to know is that he’s the lamest, softest, wimpiest milktoast of a rapper who ever lived. Seriously. Your little sister could easily take him. Your dead nana could beat him up AND out-rap him. And so, with that, does it surprise you that the weather [...]

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Eurgh, Skins Is Back And It’s Still A Gitfest

by Lauren Mullineaux

If you’re under the age of 22 then you will be familiar with the Daily Mail’s nemesis; common sense. Whoops! That should read Skins. If you’re living like the characters in the show, then you’re probably dead and we offer our sincerest sympathies; we died around the same time as Tony who was paralysed by [...]

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hecklerspray 2012 Death Predictions List!

by Sophie Hall

So. Death! Pretty serious stuff. Pretty bad all round, you could say. Like that time that gentleman from the news died. Not the Bin Laden one, the other one. Not Jeremy Beadle. Oh no, wait, it was Jeremy Beadle, wasn’t it?  It was always Jeremy Beadle. Oh god, it really was terrible about Jeremy Beadle. [...]

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Mariah Carey Posts Hilarious Photo Of Herself With Her Husband Nick Cannon In Hospital

by Mof Gimmers

Mariah Carey isn’t a woman to retire from the limelight too readily. In fact, even in the case of her husband – Nick Cannon – being all drug-eyed and dripped in hospital, recovering from kidney failure, she still wants in on the action. Sweet, sweet fantasy babeh. That’s right! She’s snapped her poorly husband and [...]

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Oh No! Robert Pattinson To Make Rubbish Music On New Album!

by Mof Gimmers

So dull that even air has been known to ignore and stagnate around him, Robert Pattison is the most baffling superstar ever generated by the various casting couches of Hollywood. He’s so forgettable that we can’t think of a suitable ending to this sentence. And now, to add to his impressively tedious acting résumé, he’s [...]

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Janet Jackson Named Grinch Of The Year By PETA (Jackson Nose Job Gag Rather Dated Now)

by Sophie Hall

Well hello there, and good tidings! But let’s just cut the small-talk here before things get all chatty-chatty like what those baby lesbians do off Coronation Street. So, Janet Jackson’s awful.   Hear that, Great Britain? Here that, Janet Jackson’s official fan club underneath all the wild babble? Oh, quiet down at the front ? JanFan47?! [...]

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Robert Pattinson Wafting His Glans At Twilight Co-Star That Isn’t Kristen Stewart

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson may well be so dull that sometimes, even light itself rejects his presence and that, granted, he’s so riddled with tedium that sometimes his heart forgets to pump his boring blood around his lifeless body… …but he still manages to pop his doo-dah into the girls. Mystifying. Of course, everyone has been muttering [...]

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