Badvertising – Adidas Originals V Star Wars

Given the technology that our advertising ancestors had 50 years ago, you’d expect that people today would be tuning in to see commercials rather than the TV programmes itself.

If this theory was correct, then the BBC would be sent into oblivion overnight as thousands of people eagerly waited for the Loose Women to shut up and go to a break. Actually, that does happen every time the show is on.

One medium which is becoming increasingly annoying is the film world. Gone are the days of original fresh content. Now we have sequels following prequels and adaptations of books you could never be bothered to read when you were younger. Surely advertisers would never stoop so low as to copy this format and product place branded items into a well known movie scene? The people at Adidas disagree, and have roped in some famous faces to flog some clothes to you.

Vinnie Jones To Remake Escape To Victory With David Beckham?

Escape To Victory is a proper, classic football film. That said, this is only because it’s just about bearable, unlike 99% of all other films featuring men kicking a glorified pig’s bladder around a bit of grass in their knickers and vests.

The 1981 film featured a young Sylvester Stallone alongside Michael Caine and whole bunch of cameos from famous footballers like Pele and… er… Russell Osman. Apparently, during the shoot, a cocky young Stallone bet Pele $100 that he could save at least one of ten penalties taken by the Brazilian superstar. The first nine glided in no bother… the tenth nearly broke Stallone’s arm, teaching him a lesson not to piss around with professional sportsmen.

Anyway, the film is apparently going to be remade according to The Guardian and footballer-turned-sort of actor Vinnie Jones is behind it all. Weirder yet, he wants David Beckham to star in it.

Testicle Grabber Jones is hoping that an appearance from the charisma vacuum Beckham will help to popularise the film in America (where no-one really likes ‘soccer’). Sexy Texts Beckham would step into the role and sweaty boots of predecessor Bobby Moore, who played Terry Brady in the original. Sadly, that means, we won’t get to see Beckham doing the famous “I do dees, I do dees, I do dees…” chalkboard skit.

Becks’ Sex Texts: In Context and Contest

There are many differences between Americans and the British. They are a young, driven country, full of hope and motivated by optimism, pride and a sense of moral justice. We are a reserved, sardonic people steeped in heritage and history. We watch The Office, they watch The Office: An American Workplace.

It doesn’t end there though.

Americans are sickeningly obese, greedy, witless, war-mongering and bigoted idiots who shit hot dogs, Smith & Wessons and Dr. Dre CDs ‘outta their fuckin’ asses’.

The British are stuttering, spineless, buck-toothed homosexuals with an inflated sense of their own self-importance, shitting buttered crumpets, umbrellas and Alan Bennett monologues ‘out of their bloody arses’.

10 Famous People Who Should Never Speak Again

Kimberly Walsh, James Blunt, Russell Brand, David Beckham, Esther RantzenHere’s a guest blog by Josh from the mighty Interestment

Beauty surely is the most fickle of the tick box categories we demand in a partner. After all, every once in a while a gorgeous face will start speaking, and all semblence of attractiveness will find itself hurtling from the nearest window.

Here are ten famous people who would be wise to keep schtum in future.

Look! A Bunch Of Famous Sportswear-Wearing People

The recent Adidas commercial works a bit like a sort of celebrity IQ test – an endless parade of famous people flash before you, and you have to name as many as you can.

How many can you get? We saw Estelle and Run DMC and David Beckham and The Ting Tings and former Antiques Roadshow presenter Hugh Scully and Bod and the Archangel Gabriel and Brian May from Queen and famous Australian moth Xylorycta Assimilis. Can you do better? Doubtful.

This is a sponsored article. To see your viral featured on hecklerspray contact us.

WEBTHUMP! Tuesday 17 February 2009

10 - Heard enough about Christian Bale yet? Family Guy doesn’t seem to think so…

9 - Yet more evidence of why Yahoo Answers is the best website on the planet – Image

8 - How much money did Madonna make last year? An OBSCENE amount, that’s how much – Billboard

7 - Want to see a picture of David Beckham getting choked? OK! – Popsugar

6 - Just what the world needs: a chocolate shortage – ABC

5 - Creepy creepy creepy toys – io9

4 – OCTOPUS WITH A JAR! – I Am Bored

The Beckhams Vs The Thai Monks Of Koh Samui – It’s On!

The Beckhams each have their own agendas.

David likes to try stringing simple sentences together so that nobody confuses with a messed-up character from The Wizard Of Oz. Victoria, meanwhile, hones in on any nearby cameras so that the paparazzi can take another photo of her pulling a face like of a cow that’s just had a hand shoved up its arse.

Thai monks, on the other hand, do nothing all day apart from being at one with the planet and acting extremely hard. One thing that does nark them off, though, is when animals and insects are innocently killed, possibly with the bug zappers that David and Victoria Beckham have just installed in their Thai home. Whoops.

David Beckham’s Servants Allegedly ‘Nick All Of David Beckham’s Stuff’

Just because David Beckham earns about £400 billion every second, it doesn’t mean you can go around pinching his things.

That’s the sorry lesson learnt by Eric and June Emmett, two of the human beings that David and Victoria Beckham employ as house slaves. According to reports, the Emmetts have been taken into custody for allegedly half-inching property belonging to the Beckhams and selling it on eBay.

It just goes to show that when you’re as famous as the Beckhams are, you can’t trust anyone – not even your own staff. It’s not so much the fact that the Emmetts allegedly stole football shirts and designer dresses that upset the Beckhams but, now that the household copy of The Little Red Hen Goes To Town has been swiped, David’s reading ability is bound to be set back weeks, if not months.

Elmo Tries to Educate David Beckham

david beckham with elmo on sesame street makes for good tv, as 'posh' victoria beckham won't be on it“DO YOU KNOW THE WAY SESAME STREET?” barked the interrogators to the cold and quivering people at hecklerspray. After several hours of being abused and poked with spatulas we were finally let go, after the US Army finally realised we didn’t know how to get to Sesame Street.

More then likely because it’s not real.

But for once we have to hold our massive hands up and admit that someone does actually know where the sodding place is. Would you believe it, the person in question is the most unlikely of sources; none other then publicity-seeking semi-celebrity and occasional footballer David Beckham.

Perhaps he stumbled on the Street after getting lost on his journey back from training to his fifty-seven bathroomed mansion. You do have to feel sorry for the poor kid, seeing as he has probably just learned the difference between left and right.

Snoop Dogg Fails to Get Arrested on Drug Charge

Snoop Dogg: likely NOT smoking a fatty boombatty spliff hereYou think you have someone pinned for who they are and what they’re like, then they have to bloody well go and mix everything up by going and doing something stupid.

Which is exactly what ol’ D-O-double G Snoop Dogg has gone and done. Or, more accurately – has gone and not done.

It’s a given that normally you can rely on the Dizzle to carry a baton through customs, get arrested for carrying a gun and some naughty substances around in his car or simply to get banned from a country.

But oh no, not this time. He has to go and be all ‘not arrested’ and stuff.