Just because David Beckham earns about £400 billion every second, it doesn’t mean you can go around pinching his things.
That’s the sorry lesson learnt by Eric and June Emmett, two of the human beings that David and Victoria Beckham employ as house slaves. According to reports, the Emmetts have been taken into custody for allegedly half-inching property belonging to the Beckhams and selling it on eBay.
It just goes to show that when you’re as famous as the Beckhams are, you can’t trust anyone – not even your own staff. It’s not so much the fact that the Emmetts allegedly stole football shirts and designer dresses that upset the Beckhams but, now that the household copy of The Little Red Hen Goes To Town has been swiped, David’s reading ability is bound to be set back weeks, if not months.
Everyone steals things. Maybe it’s sweets, maybe it’s ideas, maybe it’s top secret government documents, but everyone definitely has at one point or another stolen something. Us? We’ve got a nice little stationery-stealing racket going. Unfortunately, we only steal when we’re working from home, which means we’re basically just stealing from ourselves. Conversely, we’re going to give ourselves a final written notice if we ever catch ourselves doing it again, so we have to do it carefully when we’re not looking.
Anyway, if you were working for David and Victoria Beckham, you’d definitely steal something from them, wouldn’t you? They both earn enough to be able to replace whatever trinkets you took, and their home contents are bound to be covered by plenty of insurance. No, you’d definitely steal from David and Victoria Beckham. But you wouldn’t put the stolen goods on eBay where everyone can see them. Only the worst kind of dribble-skulled, honking dimwit would think about doing something as obviously stupid as that.
So let’s introduce you to Eric and June Emmett, two of the Beckhams’ servants who allegedly stole their stuff and sold it on eBay. E! Online reports:
Per U.K. reports, the purported thieves, 55-year-old Eric Emmett and his 56-year-old wife, June, have been working at the $22 million “Beckhingham Palace” for more a decade. The staffers supposedly swiped soccer jerseys and boots belonging to Becks, as well as designer dresses worn by the erstwhile Posh Spice. The memorabilia was then put up for sale on the auction site, raking in thousands of dollars.
According to reports, David and Victoria Beckham only got wise to this alleged pilfering when Victoria Beckham’s parents saw the items on eBay being sold by a seller called Posh & Becks.
The Emmetts deny all charges but, just to reiterate, they’re accused of stealing valuable and sentimental items from the home of David and Victoria Beckham and not just selling them on eBay where it’s easy to trace the seller, but selling them under the one name that anybody associated with the Beckhams would search eBay for if they were looking for stolen Beckham goods.
No wonder David and Victoria Beckham don’t want to employ the Emmetts any longer. It’s not because they’ve destroyed the bond of trust that exists between servant and master, but because – if these charges are true – it sounds like they’re so stupid that it’s only a matter of time before they take Romeo‘s eye out with a strimmer.
J Bollocks says
God, I read about that but never realised quite how serious it was.
On the up-side I bought a laundry-proof permanent marker the other day and found out I could win a whole day with Becks. You know, just talking and hanging out.
I returned the marker to the super-market the same day.
Julian Mentat says
Well, what did they expect, putting working-class people alone with all those valuables?
Hire other millionaires as your servants, is what I say.