Snoop Dogg, the world's favourite rapper that's shaped a little like the curvy neck of a camel, has fallen on hard times. England has had it with his guff you see, and it doesn't want him – they just refused him a visa to prove it.
But the Dee Oh Double-Gee won't give up that easily because he and England have had a wonderful past together, and dang it all if Snoop doesn't think they could find that happiness again. He wants to walk down the Thames again holding hands and popping caps in pigeons, he wants to stand arm in arm pointing at Big Ben and smiling because he knows he just bought it like two minutes ago or something. Most importantly though, Snoop wants to get into England to play a concert later today.
A music concert.
England is powerful wary of rappers these days – as it probably should be. Why – just look at their history with the likes of DMX, P Puff Diddy and not quite Foxy Brown but still you know what we mean. And then we come to the rapper at hand – Snoop Snoop, *aka the last surviving member of 60s pop sensation Jan & Dean. Why, in recent months alone he's been arrested a billion times, then arrested a little more, and arrested one more time just for the road.
Now though, all that arrested-up fun is coming back to haunt the Dogg – After he started a riot in Heathrow airport last year England won't let him in and he's supposed to play five gigs with P Puff Diddy ASAP. Word on the street is Snoop is downright bamboozled about his whole inability to enter England. His slave says:
"Snoop and his team are mystified at the decision and are hoping that the British government will reconsider this decision. He has asked how he can help rectify the situation and would happily talk to and give assurances to the officials."
Snoop didn't leave it to his kept people to do all the talking though, he told MTV *through tear filled eyes:
"I'm here to perform and give people what they want – to be a peace figure. Me and Puffy come from a background where with the east coast and the west coast there were a lot of differences in the hip hop community. But now we want to go around the world and show positive examples in the UK…I can't control my drugs and gang-banging past . People can see that I now have a different identity and that I've changed my lifestyle around completely. We let the Beatles in the USA so please let me in here."
Should Snoop's British illegitimacy botch up his chance to take the stage, *Take That have expressed a keen interest in taking his spot. *P Puff said he ain't never played with nobody hard like Take That, but was willing to give it a try. *He warned them though, if their typical lewd stage antics get out of hand, Diddy's gonna punch them so hard they'll fart flames.
(*The immediate vicinity is littered with lies)