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Dancing On Ice

Dancing On Ice 2010’s Bunch Of Misfit Celebrities Revealed

by Matthew Laidlow

Reality shows have often confused and left us scratching our heads as to what they’re about. Big Brother isn’t about siblings. Strictly Come Dancing sounds like some sort of torturous experience. And A Shot Of Love With Tila Tequila? That could literally be anything if you’ve got a filthy enough mind. What is plain, simple [...]

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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Dancing On ice, Redesign, Quantum Of Solace

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Dancing On Ice: Will Ray Quinn Win The Final? Yes

by Stuart Heritage

So this is it, our last Dancing On Ice dispatch of the year. We won’t pretend that it’s been fun. Or good. Or worthwhile.

But over the months we’ve seen all kinds of Dancing On Ice-related excitement take place. Todd Carty almost falling over, um… no, actually Todd Carty was the only piece of Dancing On Ice-related excitement to happen this year. But who’ll win? That’s down to you. Well, not you. The people who vote on shows like Dancing On Ice. You know, the illiterates.

Anyway, here’s our final look at the inevitable Dancing On Ice winner, Ray Quinn…

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Dancing On Ice: Can Donal MacIntyre Win The Final?

by Stuart Heritage

It’s the final of Dancing On Ice on Sunday and, despite all the nasty things we’ve said about it lately, we’re sad.

Why? Because we’ve just realised that throughout Dancing On Ice, Jane Torvill has been dressing in an increasingly inappropriate way, culminating on Sunday with an outfit that she appeared to have stolen from a teenage girl. If Dancing On Ice had lasted just a month longer, we swear we’d be seeing her in a nappy and bib. And now we won’t. Sad.

Never mind, here’s the Dancing On Ice final rundown for Donal MacIntyre…

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Dancing On Ice: Coleen Nolan’s (Finally) Out

by Stuart Heritage

Next week sees the Dancing On Ice final take place – and it’ll be taking place without Coleen Nolan. Things were against Coleen Nolan from the very start. Last night Coleen Nolan had to contend with a back injury that she picked up in training. And to her credit, during her routine to You’re Still [...]

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Dancing On Ice: Ray Quinn, Blah Blah Blah

by Stuart Heritage

Once again, we come to the end of another week of Dancing On Ice rundowns – and something’s just hit us.

Famously Dancing On Ice has the stupidest viewers on TV – as evidenced by the way it keeps voting off the good skaters – and that’s given us a terrifying thought: is Coleen Nolan going to win Dancing On Ice? She hasn’t been in a skate-off yet, so the viewers obviously love her. She might win. That’s a chilling proposition. Someone hold us.

Anyway, here’s the Dancing On Ice rundown for Ray Quinn…

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Dancing On Ice: Donal MacIntyre

by Stuart Heritage

Now that the Dancing On Ice final is less than a fortnight away, the required elements in each show are starting to get harder and harder. There was no more clowning around on with hats, or doing pansified synchronised spins, on Sunday’s Dancing On Ice. No, instead they had to pull off one of the [...]

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Dancing On Ice: Jessica Taylor

by Stuart Heritage

The thing we like best about Dancing On Ice, other than the fact that it’s nearly over, is the weekly Torvill and Dean routine.

Really, we honestly love it. It doesn’t matter what they do, Torvill and Dean always deliver. Like on Sunday’s show, for instance, Torvill and Dean’s routine was almost completely unforgettable, apart from the fact that he was dressed like a stroppy waiter and she was dressed like a discarded Ferrero Rocher wrapper. It’s attention to detail like this that makes Torvill and Dean number one!

Here’s the Dancing On Ice rundown for Jessica Taylor…

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Dancing On Ice: Zoe Salmon Sobs Off

by Stuart Heritage

This might be a record – if we’re correct then next week’s Dancing On Ice semi-final will be the least talented on record.

That’s because last night Zoe Salmon was voted off. We can see why – Zoe’s routine to Run was preceded by a VT about what a deranged little madam she is, and it actually looked like she was crying through the performance – but this means that either Coleen Nolan or Donal McIntyre will definitely make the final now. How completely messed up.

Anyway, Zoe Salmon is out of Dancing On Ice, so here’s the rundown for Coleen Nolan…

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Dancing On Ice: Motherhumping Ray Quinn

by Stuart Heritage

We recently had something of an epiphany about Dancing On Ice – without question, it has the stupidest viewers on TV.

It must have – just look at how the skate-offs are turning out. For two weeks in a row now, the Dancing On Ice viewers have tried to vote off the second-best skater. This is clearly wrong – any fool knows that the viewers should be voting off the least-talented performers. Or Ray Quinn. We wouldn’t mind if they voted off Ray Quinn.

Speaking of the devil, here’s Ray Quinn’s Dancing On Ice rundown…

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