Fear not everyone, science hasn't given birth to an experimental creature that promised so much, yet delivered very little. This could have been an exciting post about some sort of weird creature that looks like a wolf, walks like a human and still humps your leg for no apparent reason.
Instead, it's much more disappointing than that. Someone called Jeff Brazier can lick his genitals, you know like a dog. In fact, he might hump your leg for no reason, we just don’t know.
You?ll probably accuse us of reporting this because of actual news in Egypt dominating the headlines and there's bugger else happening.We?ll be honest, we just want to make Jeff Brazier?s PR work overtime to correct the foolish remarks he's uttered.
Unless viewers of Dancing On Ice, the show on which he features are sex-mad, then this probably won't help him win the overall prize of a multipack of Magnum ice-cream.
Presumably, the talent of cock licking – which we assume will lead to a DIY blowjob – is something that Jeff Brazier wants us all to know about. But is it a skill that he'd ever demonstrate in front of three judges and booing audience members?
Britain?s Got Talent is still auditioning people so we believe. Perhaps he can try and impress unfunny comedian Michael McIntyre, a man who has turned in to the programme’s hard-to-please individual by making small children cry.
So, let's try and get down to the mystery of how Jeff Brazier discovered his fascinating talent. Logically, there isn't a definitive way of realising the hidden ability to suck your own winky. Realistically, we think he was forced to shove a hotdog down his foreskin before being forced to remove the object only using his teeth all part of some weird initiation ceremony for a gang or book club.
DS reports Jeff as saying:
?It originated from when I was an apprentice at Leyton Orient. The older pros had noticed that I had a talent, and one night, when I was on reserves, one of them said to me, ‘I bet you could probably suck your own thingy, couldn’t you?’ And then another one went, ‘Go on, try it!??
For those only familiar with football clubs in the Premiership, Leyton Orient play in English football’s League One where it's more pies and whippets than prawn sandwiches and WAGS. This incident of being asked to ?suck your own thing? must have happened after a post match shower, with all the players examining each other?s tackle as they scrubbed up.
Brazier continued:
“I did, yeah. I was young and pretty impressionable. I managed to touch myself with my tongue. I didn’t spend too long down there, I have to say. It was just making the contact that was the impressive part. But I think it was just to do with being young and flexible.?
Who said footballers, commentators and anyone else connected with the game only sexually objectified women? If footage of Jeff Brazier licking his own fireman?s pole ever surfaces, we know they?ll be thousands of women looking to smash or stomp it.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!
dave says
There is so much going on here where do you start?? First the older pros noticed he had a talent, what talent? And how did it lead them to conclude he must be able to suck his own cock? This man claims he was young and impressionable, so was I once, but I still would never have sucked myself off what is wrong with you Jeff Brazier?? And if I ever did give myself a tickle you can be damn sure ‘young and impressionable’ won’t be my excuse, doing a shitload of drugs while taking alcohol intravenously will be my excuse!!! And finally he claims just making contact was the impressive part. That’s impressive? What is going on in Leyton Orient that groups of men are standing around being impressed by a bloke going down on himself?? Is this story as baffling to other men as it is to me or am I the one who’s different??
gilbert wham says
“I still would never have sucked myself off”
Don’t fucking lie.