Paz de la Huerta – who you’ve never heard of because she’s an actress on Boardwalk Empire, which is only watched by eight broadsheet writers and a handful of saps in slacks – has been charged with assault.
Who has she attacked? Well, you’ll be fizzing with excitement when you discover that she set-about ‘City’ star Samantha Swetra.
Amazing! It would appear that Paz has been charged with 5 misdemeanor charges, including two counts of 3rd degree assault, 4th degree criminal possession of a weapon, attempted assault and harassment. Great list.
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Given that he’s everywhere all the time at the moment, we’re starting to think that Suge Knight is the gangsta Miley Cyrus.
Not completely – the day that photos of Suge Knight rolling around in his knickers are leaked to the internet is the day we cut out our eyes and, to our knowledge, Miley Cyrus has never driven around in a car allegedly punching a woman in the head – but in terms of ubiquity, the comparison just about holds up. Just about.
In fact, it’s this whole ‘allegedly punching women in the head while driving a car’ thing that’s brought Suge Knight to our attention again this time. Because now Suge Knight has been charged for the last time he supposedly beat up a women in a car. And since this time the charges also include a spot of beating up a woman in a car park with a knife in his hand, Suge Knight faces eight and a half years in jail. Oh well.
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Heather Locklear must have been thrilled when she was arrested for DUI – at least it distracted everyone from all her horrible sitcoms.
But now, possibly, Heather Locklear might just be starting to regret allegedly getting hammered on prescription medication and then parking her car in the middle of a state highway in floods of tears in September and then having a mugshot taken that makes her look a bit like a emotionally-sensitive panda being forced to watch the 2 Girls 1 Cup video.
And that’s because Heather Locklear has just been officially charged with misdemeanor driving under the influence of legally prescribed drugs. Who knew that Heather Locklear possibly had an addiction to prescription drugs? We’d have thought that her existing addictions – to making cacky TV shows and marrying idiots from crappy bands that only morons like – would have been enough for anyone.
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Until now, the only time methamphetamine was linked to Ryan O’Neal was when we had to eat a bucket of it to stay awake during Love Story.
But that’s no longer the case. Ryan O’Neal and his son Redmond have both been charged with methamphetamine possession and other drug offences stemming from time police offices searched their house and allegedly found both of them, um, in possession of methamphetamine.
However, if they’re found guilty of these charges, both Ryan O’Neal and his son will probably escape a prison sentence. That’s because if they go to jail, they’ll be less likely to stumble round their house shooting guns at each other and tying each other to banisters and hitting each other in the head with fireplace pokers. And only a monster would put an end to that sort of first-class entertainment.
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You’d pay $20 for a photo of Gary Coleman. For the pleasure of looking at a dishevelled grump-faced 40-year-old midget for the rest of your life, you’d pay $20.
No really, you will pay $20. Don’t think you can go snapping pictures of Gary Coleman on your phone without paying $20 first. Do that and you’ll get beaten up by Gary Coleman and Gary Coleman’s wife, and get your phone stolen, and then get knocked to the ground by Gary Coleman’s truck. Allegedly.
Alternatively, do do that. That’s apparently what happened to Colt Rushton earlier this month and, as well as making sure that Gary Coleman has been charged with reckless driving and disorderly conduct for it, he’s also hit Coleman with a lawsuit. This has to make today the worst day for Gary Coleman since, dunno, yesterday? He doesn’t exactly look as if his days are filled with sunshine and monkeys, does he?
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Think carefully – what’s the most extreme reaction you’ve ever had towards Matthew McConaughey? A yawn? A twitch? An imperceptible shrug?
Not if you’re a surfer. Surfers see Matthew McConaughey as their hero, their dim mahogany idol. And if you mess with Matthew McConaughey you mess with the entire surfer community, as a group of paparazzi found out in June when the surfers rounded on them for taking pictures of McConaughey and shoved them around a bit.
Now two surfers have been charged for the McConaughey paparazzi flare-up. But that’s not important. What’s important are the names of the people involved in the scuffle, because they’re so stupid it’s impossible not to find the whole thing hilarious. Spoiler alert – one of them’s called Skylar.
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We always find it hard to take when, after a long, arduous gig in front of thousands of our fans, the local waffle house we visit doesn’t have enough cream, strawberries or maple syrup to coat our tasty treats. So much so that we sometimes raise issue with it, politely make our points, then leave in something of a huff.
Thankfully, hecklerspray isn’t Kid Rock, or these waffle houses we’ve visited would have to worry about more than just their topping stocks – they’d have to worry about us punching and kicking people in them because we’re a bit miffed about something and presumably have some serious issues with the waffle-maestros out there.
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If any of you have ever wanted Anne Hathaway as your girlfriend, perhaps a good way to start is by swindling various strangers out of millions of dollars.
Traditionally, we hear that Anne Hathaway goes crazy for that sort of stuff. Swindle a few dopey millionaires out of all their cash with a scam involving the Vatican and Anne Hathaway will be tugging at your underwear like some kind of lust-demented wildebeest.
That's what Raffaello Follieri has been accused of doing, anyway. True, he's been charged with wire fraud and money laundering for it and is being kept on a staggering $21 million bail because he's such a flight risk, but it did mean that he got to see what Anne Hathaway's hooters looked like. Admittedly he could have just watched that movie Havoc instead and saved himself a potential nine-year jail sentence, but to be fair it does look quite rubbish.
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