Until now, the only time methamphetamine was linked to Ryan O’Neal was when we had to eat a bucket of it to stay awake during Love Story.
But that’s no longer the case. Ryan O’Neal and his son Redmond have both been charged with methamphetamine possession and other drug offences stemming from time police offices searched their house and allegedly found both of them, um, in possession of methamphetamine.
However, if they’re found guilty of these charges, both Ryan O’Neal and his son will probably escape a prison sentence. That’s because if they go to jail, they’ll be less likely to stumble round their house shooting guns at each other and tying each other to banisters and hitting each other in the head with fireplace pokers. And only a monster would put an end to that sort of first-class entertainment.
We’ve never hidden our desire to be adopted by the O’Neal family. Those O’Neal kids got lucky breaks we never did, and we want in. We want to be roped into an orgy with Melanie Griffith and a hairdresser like Tatum O’Neal says she was. We want to be able to tie our brother to a banister and accidentally hit women in the head with a fireplace poker until our father fires a gun at us like Griffin O’Neal.
But most of all, we want to be like Redmond O’Neal. Redmond O’Neal has lived a charmed life – reaching professional successes like getting minor voiceover work in The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars and personal successes like being so close to his father that both of them were arrested for possession of methamphetamine at the same time last month. Oh, how we wish we could be an O’Neal.
But it looks like an adoption is out of the question, so we’re just going to have to live vicariously through them all instead. And now seems to be a pretty good time to do that, because Ryan and Redmond O’Neal have now been charged with felony methamphetamine possession, and they’ll go to court over it next month. Reuters reports:
Both men were charged with felony possession of methamphetamine, and the son was additionally charged with lesser counts of possessing drug paraphernalia and illegal possession of pepper spray. Felony drug possession carries a possible maximum sentence of three years in prison, but neither man is likely do any time behind bars if convicted.
It sounds like Ryan O’Neal will get off lightly if he’s convicted of these charges – since he’s a first-time offender he’ll most likely be sent on a drug rehabilitation program where he’ll either learn that a) taking drugs is bad or b) trying to hide some of your son’s drugs that you’ve never tried in your bedroom to stop him getting into any more trouble with the police is bad.
Having said that, though, maybe a drug conviction is just the thing to give Ryan O’Neal an edgy new audience. After all, look at Robert Downey Jr – after he went berserk on drugs he became one of the biggest stars in the world.
So who knows – this could lead Ryan O’Neal out of the creative cul-de-sac he’s found himself by accepting guest spots on hopeless shows like Miss Match. Play his cards right and he might even lock down that walk-on cameo on CSI: Miami he’s been desperate for. No, what are we saying, Ryan O’Neal needs to gradually work up to something as high profile as that. Babysteps, Ryan. Babysteps.