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Charged

Barron Hilton Charged With Being A Booze-Soaked Twit

by Stuart Heritage

Barron Hilton hasn’t got a lot going for him – not only does he have the spazzy hair and pudgy face of a rejected Just William character, but he’s also staring down the barrel of a vicious DUI charge.

Following his arrest last month, Paris Hilton’s 18-year-old brother has been formally charged with DUI by the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department and faces arraignment in April.

It just goes to show how quickly Barron Hilton is becoming his sister. Now that they’ve both been charged with DUI, Barron only has to be in a shitty reality TV show and wank a bloke off on the internet until he ends up with jizz all over his tits and Barron will have caught up with Paris Hilton completely.

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Bai Ling Charged With Pathetic Sad-Faced Theft

by Stuart Heritage

Forget murder and rape and all that jazz – the worst crime a human being can commit is clearly the crime of stealing two magazines and some batteries from an airport.

And, on that watertight basis, we feel confident in saying that Bai Ling is basically worse than Hitler, Attila The Hun and the Cloverfield monster combined. They may have done some terrible things, but at least they didn’t steal batteries from an airport.

Bai Ling has now been formally charged with this petty theft, and if she’s found guilty her punishment will either be an eternity spent thrashing around in unendurable pain in the screaming fiery depths of hell or a $250 fine. Whichever’s easiest.

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Mischa Barton Charged With Being A Stinking Hippy

by Stuart Heritage

Mischa Barton isn’t just that one-time partly famous actress who was in The OC and nothing else at all after that, like you think she is.

No. Because Mischa Barton is also a criminal. That’s right – a criminal just like Al Capone and Lil’ Kim.

Mischa Barton has just been charged with DUI, driving without a license and pot possession following her arrest just after Christmas. That’s bad enough for Mischa Barton, but just imagine how poor Hayden Panettiere feels being the only skinny attention-seeking celebrity not to be charged with driving like some sort of impaired dickwad. Don’t worry Hayden! We’re on our way! And we’re bringing the elephant tranquilisers! You will not be left behind!

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Lee Ryan Goes From Strength To Strength

by Matthew Laidlow

After failing to whip up a frenzy in Hell’s Kitchen, Lee Ryan – our favourite expletive-uttering former boyband member – has since picked up the pieces and moved on.

Sadly, Lee Ryan hasn’t been over in Asia protecting the elephants from dying. Instead, he’s been busy allegedly slapping taxi drivers around and consequently being charged for it. The singer will appear before magistrates in Redhill on February 29.

We will be there in full support for Lee with a host of banners including ‘We Luv U Lee 4ever’, ‘U R Propa Fit’ and ‘Kan Aye Ave A Refund Plz?’ To any of Lee’s 12-year-old fans, ‘Common Assault’ means that he hurt someone for no reason.

So presumably all those songs he wailed about love and harmony were a bit of a lie. We await the trial for news on the best bruv in the world.

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Former Boy Band Star Charged With Assault – NME

After failing to whip up a frenzy in Hell’s Kitchen, Lee Ryan - our favourite expletive-uttering former boyband member - has since picked up the pieces and moved on. Sadly, Lee Ryan hasn’t been over in Asia protecting the elephants from dying. Instead, he’s been busy allegedly slapping taxi drivers around and consequently being charged for it. The singer will appear before magistrates in Redhill on February 29. We will be there in full support for Lee with a host of banners including 'We Luv U Lee 4ever', 'U R Propa Fit' and 'Kan Aye Ave A Refund Plz?' To any of Lee’s 12-year-old fans, 'Common Assault' means that he hurt someone for no reason. So presumably all those songs he wailed about love and harmony were a bit of a lie. We await the trial for news on the best bruv in the world. Read more: Former Boy Band Star Charged With Assault - NME
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Akon Charged With Tossing That Boy Off

by Stuart Heritage

Talk about political correctness gone mad – what sort of a world do we live in where you can’t even pick up a 15-year-old boy during a concert and angrily fling him on top of a girl’s head, like Akon did not so long ago?

Poor old squeaky-voiced R&B star Akon is in trouble over the now-classic YouTube incident involving an angry Akon, a terrified 15-year-old boy, a girl with a bump on her head and all three of Newton’s laws of motion. Basically Akon picked up a boy during a concert in June, threw him into the crowd, hit a girl on the head with him and is now being charged with endangering the welfare of a minor and second-degree harassment for it. As a result, Akon may be forced to cut back on the stage theatrics and let his songs speak for themselves in the future – something that could destroy his career forever.

Talk about political correctness gone mad - what sort of a world do we live in where you can't even pick up a 15-year-old boy during a concert and angrily fling him on top of a girl's head, like Akon did not so long ago? Poor old squeaky-voiced R&B star Akon is in trouble over the now-classic YouTube incident involving an angry Akon, a terrified 15-year-old boy, a girl with a bump on her head and all three of Newton's laws of motion. Basically Akon picked up a boy during a concert in June, threw him into the crowd, hit a girl on the head with him and is now being charged with endangering the welfare of a minor and second-degree harassment for it. As a result, Akon may be forced to cut back on the stage theatrics and let his songs speak for themselves in the future - something that could destroy his career forever.
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