Akon Charged With Tossing That Boy Off

Talk about political correctness gone mad - what sort of a world do we live in where you can't even pick up a 15-year-old boy during a concert and angrily fling him on top of a girl's head, like Akon did not so long ago?

Poor old squeaky-voiced R&B star Akon is in trouble over the now-classic YouTube incident involving an angry Akon, a terrified 15-year-old boy, a girl with a bump on her head and all three of Newton's laws of motion. Basically Akon picked up a boy during a concert in June, threw him into the crowd, hit a girl on the head with him and is now being charged with endangering the welfare of a minor and second-degree harassment for it. As a result, Akon may be forced to cut back on the stage theatrics and let his songs speak for themselves in the future - something that could destroy his career forever.

Thanks to the genetic quirk that synchronises your burgeoning awareness of members of the opposite sex with the period of your life where you're at your most gangly, awkward and acne-strewn, being a teenager is a bit of a crappy deal. But there's one thing worse than being a teenager, and that's being a teenager at an Akon concert.

You see, any teenage girls who go to an Akon concert run the risk of being manically dry-humped across the stage by Akon, while any teenage boys can expect to be angrily hurled into the crowd at any given moment of time if Akon gets in a bit of a bad mood.

That's what happened back in June at least, when - during a show in Fishkill - Akon pulled a boy out of the crowd, lifted him up onto his his shoulders and threw him offstage to a chorus of horrified screams from the audience. If that wasn't enough, the boy he threw - a 15-year-old from Harriman, Orange County - landed on top of a girl named Abby Rosa, giving her a nasty case of concussion.

At the time Akon's lawyer seemed adamant that Akon had done nothing illegal, although he can't have been a particularly blinding lawyer because Akon has just been charged with endangering the welfare of a minor and second-degree harassment for the incident; two things that we're pretty sure are actually illegal.

Now that he's been formally charged, Akon's arraignment has been scheduled for Monday - at which point we'll have a clearer understanding of exactly how much trouble he's actually in. But whatever the punishment he's given, these charges mean that Akon will have to drop some of his more spectacular plans for his next tour. And that's bad news for anyone looking forward to seeing the moment when Akon marks the climax of Smack That by firing a toddler out of a rocket launcher into the blades of a hovering helicopter. Shame.

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Akon Charged In Fan-Tossing Case - Associated Press