Firstly, well done if you half read the headline and thought it was about David Gedge. Secondly, how awful a human must Kim Kardashian be if estranged husband Kris Humphries is taking her to court over some wedding presents, which were going to benefit charity?
See, after the demise of their 72 day marriage, Kris Humphries has been apoplectic with rage. Kim K, trying to put a positive spin on it, had decided to keep their wedding gifts but donate double their value to charity.
He’s not having that.
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Amazing news! Sir Elton John is planning to have another baby, apparently! That’s right, the bitch is back and he’s pregnant with his second child. Of course, his partner David Furnish has had something to do with it.
When Elton gives birth, it’ll be a delightful sibling for 14-month-old son Zachary.
We do worry about Elton John’s wee-way though. How does one go about squeezing a child out of your little wang? With him being a celebrity, he’ll probably have a C-section won’t he? How terribly fashionable.
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Poor Dr. Conrad Murray, we can imagine that he’s not having the best of times in prison at the moment. Despite being convicted of the manslaughter of a certain Michael Jackson, he knows that, when he’s released, he’ll be battered with abuse from fanatical Jackson goons.
We don’t imagine prison to be an exciting place, especially in America. Our yank buddies seem a bit stricter on discipline and prefer to harbour inmates in cells without luxuries such as TV, radio and concealed weapons.
Some might argue that criminals deserve nothing, though they need some basics if they’re expected to see out a sentence given to them without hanging themselves with their shoelaces. One such thing is clean drinking water and the last time we checked, the BBC has held no telethon to raise money for dirty drinking water in LA. But if reports are to be believed, we might have to help America out. ‘Sexy’ Dr. Conrad Murray is blaming an embarrassing problem on what he drinks.
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You remember Octomom right? She’s the woman who gave birth to FOURTEEN octopus babies. Calamarvelous! Of course, being such a gigantic freak show, the world’s press pounded her door day and night for a piece of the action.
All the while, mucky pups inundated her with requests to get the chance to photograph her while she was in the nude.
Octopus Woman swore she’d never disrobe for cash… but then the bills started to pile up. And so, now, desperate for money, she’s got her kit off and decided to show the world the body that spat out little tentacle babies!
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Oh, Dennis Rodman – the Easter Island statue of the NBA and various reality TV shows. He’s not doing so well these days. In fact, he’s broke. He’s more broke than hecklerspray. People want dollars and pounds from Rodman because he had sex without a condom on.
Yep, Dennis is being asked to pay more than $800,000 in child support and he can’t afford to pay it.
Dennis’ ex-wife Michelle Rodman filed new papers this month, claiming The Worm owes $808,935 in unpaid child support for his 9- and 10-year-old children, with an additional $51,441 in unpaid spousal support. Alas, he’s a sad old drunk.
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Sinitta wants Simon Cowell to move house after an intruder was found in his wardrobe covered in blood. Sinitta probably thought she was the only person who was allowed to be found hiding in his house, acting like a lunatic.
The leaf-wearing maniac dated Simon in the ’80s and has remained his close friend ever since, mainly by sheer persistence.
She’s now very worried for Cowell and thinks he’s not safe where he lives and wants him to get the blue hell outta there. She also thinks it’s all about her. No, seriously.
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She was made famous by a series of awful Aerosmith videos before starring in a terrible Batman film. Apart from that, Alicia Silverstone hasn’t done a great deal. Until now that is! Now, she’s all about regurgitating her food and spitting it into her child’s mouth!
That’s right. Alicia is like some kind of seabird, honking up pre-chewed food into the gob of her hatchling.
Honestly. You may think this is hecklerspray’s imagination running away with itself, but this is precisely how Silverstone feeds her 11-month-old son, Bear Blu. Yes, her child is called Bear Blu.
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Ah, wasn’t it fun when Kim Kardashian got a flour bomb in her hair and all over her clothes? Schoolboy prankery is always welcomed on hecklerspray. As suspected, the flour bomb was from someone connected to PETA, which sullies things.
PETA aren’t particularly fun are they? Sure, they’re entitled to their beliefs, but wouldn’t it be nice if they looked like they had a sense of humour once in a while?
And not laughing about Christina Cho’s bomb attack is Khloe Kardashian. She’s not happy at all. And weirdly, she’s a representative for PETA, so where does that leave us? Hissy Fit Central, that’s where.
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