Articles tagged with: celebrities in jail
Anne Hathaway’s Naughty Ex Put Away Until Spring 2013
If any of you happen to be offered a suspiciously cheap piece of Catholic property by a man with a funny accent, don't hesitate to buy it. Seriously, buy it. It's definitely legit. The only funny-accented man to ever defraud strangers with dodgy property deals spuriously linked to the Catholic church - Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri - has just been thrown in jail for four and a half years. This is wonderful news for two reasons. Not only is Raffaello Follieri being punished for his crimes, but we all know that nature hates a vacuum. All we need to do is buy a phony bishop outfit, adopt a ludicrous continental European accent and con some idiots out of millions of dollars and we're almost completely certain that we'll have Anne Hathaway licking the side of our face by Halloween.
If any of you happen to be offered a suspiciously cheap piece of Catholic property by a man with a funny accent, don't hesitate to buy it. Seriously, buy it. It's definitely legit. The only funny-accented man to ever defraud strangers with dodgy property deals spuriously linked to the Catholic church - Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri - has just been thrown in jail for four and a half years. This is wonderful news for two reasons. Not only is Raffaello Follieri being punished for his crimes, but we all know that nature hates a vacuum. All we need to do is buy a phony bishop outfit, adopt a ludicrous continental European accent and con some idiots out of millions of dollars and we're almost completely certain that we'll have Anne Hathaway licking the side of our face by Halloween.
Nick Hogan Out Of Jail, Back In The Arms Of His Mannish Family
Good news, fans of exploitative reality TV shows starring box-faced young criminal goons - Nick Hogan has been released from jail! 166 days after he went to prison for crashing his car spectacularly enough to require his friend John Graziano to receive constant medical attention, Hulk Hogan's son Nick Hogan has been released from jail. And, with soul-destroying inevitability, Nick Hogan is now thought to want a reality TV show about his life on the outside. It'd be a good show, though, because Nick Hogan is bound to have been though new experiences during his jail sentence and sharing those experiences will be Nick Hogan's way of giving something back. The only question is the name of the show - there's already been a Hogan Knows Best and a Brooke Knows Best so... wait! We've got it! How about Nick Hogan Remembers Getting Anally Brutalised By An Arsonist? You know, provided that happened.
Good news, fans of exploitative reality TV shows starring box-faced young criminal goons - Nick Hogan has been released from jail! 166 days after he went to prison for crashing his car spectacularly enough to require his friend John Graziano to receive constant medical attention, Hulk Hogan's son Nick Hogan has been released from jail. And, with soul-destroying inevitability, Nick Hogan is now thought to want a reality TV show about his life on the outside. It'd be a good show, though, because Nick Hogan is bound to have been though new experiences during his jail sentence and sharing those experiences will be Nick Hogan's way of giving something back. The only question is the name of the show - there's already been a Hogan Knows Best and a Brooke Knows Best so... wait! We've got it! How about Nick Hogan Remembers Getting Anally Brutalised By An Arsonist? You know, provided that happened.
If OJ Simpson Did It, Here’s How It… Oh Wait, He Did Do It
Guess what. That armed robbery of OJ Simpson's that had several witnesses and audio recordings to back it up - turns out he did it. By now you've probably realised that OJ Simpson has been found guilty on all 12 charges of armed robbery and kidnapping, and that he could face anything up to life in jail for it. However, OJ Simpson now plans to appeal the decision from jail, where he's being kept away from other prisoners to protect his own safety. But still, OJ Simpson won't find himself at a loss for anything to do now that he's been found guilty on all charges. He can finally write that book he's always wanted to, for example - the hypothetical If I Didn't Do It, Here's How It Didn't Happen; a breathtaking account of how OJ Simpson was actually doing a spot of Sudoku and thinking about kittens when he was supposed to be holding some men up in a hotel room.
Guess what. That armed robbery of OJ Simpson's that had several witnesses and audio recordings to back it up - turns out he did it. By now you've probably realised that OJ Simpson has been found guilty on all 12 charges of armed robbery and kidnapping, and that he could face anything up to life in jail for it. However, OJ Simpson now plans to appeal the decision from jail, where he's being kept away from other prisoners to protect his own safety. But still, OJ Simpson won't find himself at a loss for anything to do now that he's been found guilty on all charges. He can finally write that book he's always wanted to, for example - the hypothetical If I Didn't Do It, Here's How It Didn't Happen; a breathtaking account of how OJ Simpson was actually doing a spot of Sudoku and thinking about kittens when he was supposed to be holding some men up in a hotel room.
Jade Goody’s Boyfriend Banged Up Forever (18 Months)
Remember Jack Tweed? He was Jade Goody's boyfriend on Celebrity Big Brother; you know - silent, wears a hat, attacks teenagers with golf clubs. Yeah, now you remember. Anyway, Jack Tweed has just been sentenced to 18 months in prison for doing one of those things. That's right - Jack Tweed went to prison for wearing an illegal hat. What a disturbing criminal this man is. Oh, OK, not really. In actual fact, Jack Tweed smashed a 16-year-old boy in the face, head and chest with a golf club, the scamp . It's terrible news for Jade Goody - first she got cancer and now Jack Tweed's gone to jail. Still, on the plus side at least nobody's calling her 'Pig-faced Big Brother racist Jade Goody' any more. That has to be worth something, right?
Remember Jack Tweed? He was Jade Goody's boyfriend on Celebrity Big Brother; you know - silent, wears a hat, attacks teenagers with golf clubs. Yeah, now you remember. Anyway, Jack Tweed has just been sentenced to 18 months in prison for doing one of those things. That's right - Jack Tweed went to prison for wearing an illegal hat. What a disturbing criminal this man is. Oh, OK, not really. In actual fact, Jack Tweed smashed a 16-year-old boy in the face, head and chest with a golf club, the scamp . It's terrible news for Jade Goody - first she got cancer and now Jack Tweed's gone to jail. Still, on the plus side at least nobody's calling her 'Pig-faced Big Brother racist Jade Goody' any more. That has to be worth something, right?
Amy Winehouse Gets To Screech About Blake For 27 More Months
Would-be criminals can learn a lot from today's news that Blake Fielder-Civil has been sentenced to 27 months in jail. Firstly, Blake Fielder-Civil's sentence has shown that you can't go round violently attacking pub landlords in the face; and that if you do, you definitely can't try buying their silence with great big wads of your wife's cash. Most of all, though, Blake Fielder-Civil's 27-month jail sentence shows that you'll still get lumbered with a giant stretch in prison even if you get Amy Winehouse to bellow your name in public every six or seven seconds. Speaking of that, we've got another 27 months of that. Thanks, the British justice system. Thanks a lot.
Would-be criminals can learn a lot from today's news that Blake Fielder-Civil has been sentenced to 27 months in jail. Firstly, Blake Fielder-Civil's sentence has shown that you can't go round violently attacking pub landlords in the face; and that if you do, you definitely can't try buying their silence with great big wads of your wife's cash. Most of all, though, Blake Fielder-Civil's 27-month jail sentence shows that you'll still get lumbered with a giant stretch in prison even if you get Amy Winehouse to bellow your name in public every six or seven seconds. Speaking of that, we've got another 27 months of that. Thanks, the British justice system. Thanks a lot.
Nick Bollea Is Free! Free! (Not Free)
They say you should always be careful what you wish for, especially if you wish to share a prison cell with three twitching teenage criminals. As luck would have it, that's exactly what Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea has been wishing for in public all week. He's been desperate to get out of the solitary confinement cell that he's been kept in since he went to prison almost a month ago. And now, even though a judge ignored his pleas earlier in the week, Nick Bollea has been moved into a communal cell, where he'll get to experience all the heady delights that prison has to offer when you're a 17-year-old boy doing time for crashing a wildly expensive supercar and your resentful cellmates have had to give up some of their precious personal space just so they can accommodate a spoilt little rich boy.
They say you should always be careful what you wish for, especially if you wish to share a prison cell with three twitching teenage criminals. As luck would have it, that's exactly what Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea has been wishing for in public all week. He's been desperate to get out of the solitary confinement cell that he's been kept in since he went to prison almost a month ago. And now, even though a judge ignored his pleas earlier in the week, Nick Bollea has been moved into a communal cell, where he'll get to experience all the heady delights that prison has to offer when you're a 17-year-old boy doing time for crashing a wildly expensive supercar and your resentful cellmates have had to give up some of their precious personal space just so they can accommodate a spoilt little rich boy.
Hooray! ‘Secret’ Phone Calls Between Nick And Hulk Hogan
Hecklerspray has never been to prison, but we expect the favourite song of all the inmates to be “Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad boys. Whatcha want, whatcha want whatcha gonna do, when sheriff John Brown come for you? Tell me whatcha
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Nick Bollea Loses Fight To Stop Being Fed Through Slots
Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea is having a string of rotten luck at the moment - car crashes, jail sentences, lawsuits, a startlingly mannish mother. Where will it end? The answer to that is in solitary confinement. Nick Bollea has seen his attempt to be moved out of solitary at Pinellas County Jail overturned by a judge, meaning that for the foreseeable future, all of Nick Bollea's meals will be fed to him through a slot in the door. But Nick Bollea will get no sympathy from us. Spending everyday stuck indoors alone? Craving human interaction of any kind? Forgetting what sunlight looks like? Trying hopelessly to entertain yourself just to pass the time? Eating crap food? Come on, that's practically what we do for a living.
Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea is having a string of rotten luck at the moment - car crashes, jail sentences, lawsuits, a startlingly mannish mother. Where will it end? The answer to that is in solitary confinement. Nick Bollea has seen his attempt to be moved out of solitary at Pinellas County Jail overturned by a judge, meaning that for the foreseeable future, all of Nick Bollea's meals will be fed to him through a slot in the door. But Nick Bollea will get no sympathy from us. Spending everyday stuck indoors alone? Craving human interaction of any kind? Forgetting what sunlight looks like? Trying hopelessly to entertain yourself just to pass the time? Eating crap food? Come on, that's practically what we do for a living.
