Articles tagged with: celebrities in jail
Hulk Hogan’s Son In Solitary, Not Exactly Thrilled About It
Being in jail can be a miserable experience, especially when you're not allowed vital bonding time with the assorted rapists and murderers that count as your new flatmates. Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea isn't getting any of that at the moment, despite being sentenced to eight months in jail for crashing his car and putting his friend in a care home forever. Sure, Nick Bollea is actually in jail at the moment, but he's in solitary. Because his jail can't accommodate minors properly, Nick Bollea has to spend all day on his own in a tiny cell where his meals are passed to him through a slot in the door. It can't be much fun for Nick Bollea to be kept alone with his thoughts, mostly because he's only ever had one thought and that was in 1998 and, to be fair, it was more of a nonspecific gurgle than anything you could say was grounded in cognitive perception.
Being in jail can be a miserable experience, especially when you're not allowed vital bonding time with the assorted rapists and murderers that count as your new flatmates. Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea isn't getting any of that at the moment, despite being sentenced to eight months in jail for crashing his car and putting his friend in a care home forever. Sure, Nick Bollea is actually in jail at the moment, but he's in solitary. Because his jail can't accommodate minors properly, Nick Bollea has to spend all day on his own in a tiny cell where his meals are passed to him through a slot in the door. It can't be much fun for Nick Bollea to be kept alone with his thoughts, mostly because he's only ever had one thought and that was in 1998 and, to be fair, it was more of a nonspecific gurgle than anything you could say was grounded in cognitive perception.
No Jail For Uma Thurman’s Adorably Kooky Stalker
Let this be a lesson to you all - you don't relentlessly stalk Uma Thurman with a series of disturbing gifts and nightmarish doodles and get away with it. Unless you mean that you'll go to jail if you stalk Uma Thurman, because if that's the case then yes, you probably will get away with it - just like Jack Jordan, the man recently found guilty of being Uma Thurman's crazy stalker. Rather than jail, Jack Jordan has been given three years probation and some outpatient psychiatric treatment. In addition to this, Jack Jordan has been banned from any contact with Uma Thurman for five years. Which means that the unveiling of his masterwork Man Falling Off Giant Razorblade Into Grave Dug By Giggling Bride Uma Thurman (Oil On Canvas) has been pushed back to 2013, a bitter blow to lovers of creepy deranged art everywhere.
Let this be a lesson to you all - you don't relentlessly stalk Uma Thurman with a series of disturbing gifts and nightmarish doodles and get away with it. Unless you mean that you'll go to jail if you stalk Uma Thurman, because if that's the case then yes, you probably will get away with it - just like Jack Jordan, the man recently found guilty of being Uma Thurman's crazy stalker. Rather than jail, Jack Jordan has been given three years probation and some outpatient psychiatric treatment. In addition to this, Jack Jordan has been banned from any contact with Uma Thurman for five years. Which means that the unveiling of his masterwork Man Falling Off Giant Razorblade Into Grave Dug By Giggling Bride Uma Thurman (Oil On Canvas) has been pushed back to 2013, a bitter blow to lovers of creepy deranged art everywhere.
Wesley Snipes Not Going To Jail Just Yet, Or Ever
Everyone's known that Wesley Snipes is a bad man ever since he was convicted for, um, you know, something about taxes and money and whatever. And because of this, Wesley Snipes was supposed to hand himself over to federal officials next month so he could start his three-year jail sentence for whatever that thing was about taxes that he apparently did. But not so fast - Wesley Snipes isn't going down without a fight! He's been granted bail pending an appeal of his conviction. This could mean that Wesley Snipes might avoid jail completely, although this really is his last pitch for freedom so he needs to give the appeal his absolute all. And you know what that means, Wesley? No more getting rambling boneheaded character witness statements from Woody Harrelson? OK, Wesley? Not even one. Promise us, it's important.
Everyone's known that Wesley Snipes is a bad man ever since he was convicted for, um, you know, something about taxes and money and whatever. And because of this, Wesley Snipes was supposed to hand himself over to federal officials next month so he could start his three-year jail sentence for whatever that thing was about taxes that he apparently did. But not so fast - Wesley Snipes isn't going down without a fight! He's been granted bail pending an appeal of his conviction. This could mean that Wesley Snipes might avoid jail completely, although this really is his last pitch for freedom so he needs to give the appeal his absolute all. And you know what that means, Wesley? No more getting rambling boneheaded character witness statements from Woody Harrelson? OK, Wesley? Not even one. Promise us, it's important.
Lou Pearlman Banged Up For Quarter Of A Century
The world may go through some difficult changes in the next 25 years, but at least Lou Pearlman won't give us any more crappy boybands. That's because Lou Pearlman has just been sentenced to 25 years in jail after being found guilty of conspiracy, money laundering and various other dodgy white-collar crap. Ironically, though, Lou Pearlman only got six months in jail for committing those crimes - the other 24.5 years were a punishment for inventing 'N Sync. Oh, we're just kidding. Being the mastermind behind the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync didn't affect Lou Pearlman's sentence at all. He got given such a long sentence because he's fat and creepy-looking. And you're next, Santa!
The world may go through some difficult changes in the next 25 years, but at least Lou Pearlman won't give us any more crappy boybands. That's because Lou Pearlman has just been sentenced to 25 years in jail after being found guilty of conspiracy, money laundering and various other dodgy white-collar crap. Ironically, though, Lou Pearlman only got six months in jail for committing those crimes - the other 24.5 years were a punishment for inventing 'N Sync. Oh, we're just kidding. Being the mastermind behind the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync didn't affect Lou Pearlman's sentence at all. He got given such a long sentence because he's fat and creepy-looking. And you're next, Santa!
Pete Doherty Released From Jail 70 Days Early
Pete Doherty's prison adventure has been cut dramatically short - not by a horrific stabbing injury as some had hoped, but by early release. Released less than a month into his 14-week jail sentence, Pete Doherty is now a free man once again, much like Ronnie Barker from Going Straight except a bit less funny and/or dead. Still, even 29 days in jail is long enough for someone to become institutionalised, which means in the next few days you might see pictures of Pete Doherty stumbling around looking a bit confused and unwashed. Don't worry if you do - it means he's completely back to normal. Thanks folks, we're here all week.
Pete Doherty's prison adventure has been cut dramatically short - not by a horrific stabbing injury as some had hoped, but by early release. Released less than a month into his 14-week jail sentence, Pete Doherty is now a free man once again, much like Ronnie Barker from Going Straight except a bit less funny and/or dead. Still, even 29 days in jail is long enough for someone to become institutionalised, which means in the next few days you might see pictures of Pete Doherty stumbling around looking a bit confused and unwashed. Don't worry if you do - it means he's completely back to normal. Thanks folks, we're here all week.
Scott Weiland Jailed, Stone Temple Pilots Reunion Sadly Still On
Sacked Velvet Revolver singer and My First Nazi Gollum dollset life model Scott Weiland is going to jail. In what'll cap off a particularly rubbish opening third of 2008 for him, Scott Weiland has been sentenced to eight days in jail for crashing his car drunk in Los Angeles last November - a charge that he can add to another DUI from 2003, some drug offences from the 1990s and a domestic violence charge from 2001. Still, eight days in jail isn't that bad - it's lucky that the judge didn't take Scott Weiland's music into consideration when reaching the sentence, otherwise he'd have been given life. In solitary confinement. On a dung heap. Up a farty dragon's bottom. On the moon.
Sacked Velvet Revolver singer and My First Nazi Gollum dollset life model Scott Weiland is going to jail. In what'll cap off a particularly rubbish opening third of 2008 for him, Scott Weiland has been sentenced to eight days in jail for crashing his car drunk in Los Angeles last November - a charge that he can add to another DUI from 2003, some drug offences from the 1990s and a domestic violence charge from 2001. Still, eight days in jail isn't that bad - it's lucky that the judge didn't take Scott Weiland's music into consideration when reaching the sentence, otherwise he'd have been given life. In solitary confinement. On a dung heap. Up a farty dragon's bottom. On the moon.
Amy Winehouse Wants Husband To Stay In Jail (And A Divorce)
Amy Winehouse is officially the week's most talked about celebrity. A fairly remarkable feat when you take into consideration that she hasn’t died, escaped death, or so much as flashed a tit to a camera. Why are we interested in this girl? It surely hasn’t got anything to do with talent, has it? At the beginning of the week, there was news of her being nominated for three Ivor Novello awards. A couple of days later she was named as the youth of the UK’s ‘Ultimate Heroine’, which coincided with rumours of her assaulting two members of the general public, for which she was arrested for last night and cautioned for today, as well as coming tenth in the Sunday Times Young Music Millionaires list. And now, according to The Sun, she doesn’t want her husband to be released from jail, she does want a divorce, and she’s falling in love with her manager’s assistant. No wonder she’s allegedly on crack.
Amy Winehouse is officially the week's most talked about celebrity. A fairly remarkable feat when you take into consideration that she hasn’t died, escaped death, or so much as flashed a tit to a camera. Why are we interested in this girl? It surely hasn’t got anything to do with talent, has it? At the beginning of the week, there was news of her being nominated for three Ivor Novello awards. A couple of days later she was named as the youth of the UK’s ‘Ultimate Heroine’, which coincided with rumours of her assaulting two members of the general public, for which she was arrested for last night and cautioned for today, as well as coming tenth in the Sunday Times Young Music Millionaires list. And now, according to The Sun, she doesn’t want her husband to be released from jail, she does want a divorce, and she’s falling in love with her manager’s assistant. No wonder she’s allegedly on crack.
Wesley Snipes Gets Those Three Years In Jail After All
Well thanks a lot Woody Harrelson - Wesley Snipes asks you to do one bloody thing to keep him out of jail and you balls it all up. No really, thanks. All Wesley Snipes wanted to you to do was write a heartfelt character reference to stop a judge from sending him to jail for three years on a tax evasion charge, and you ended up jabbering on about how close together your birthdays are. You really are a great big dipshit. In fact, it's probably all your fault that Wesley Snipes was sentenced to three years in jail yesterday. But you've only hurt yourself, you know - now that Wesley Snipes is in jail, you can kiss goodbye to any notion you had about making Money Train 2: Money Train In Space before 2011.
Well thanks a lot Woody Harrelson - Wesley Snipes asks you to do one bloody thing to keep him out of jail and you balls it all up. No really, thanks. All Wesley Snipes wanted to you to do was write a heartfelt character reference to stop a judge from sending him to jail for three years on a tax evasion charge, and you ended up jabbering on about how close together your birthdays are. You really are a great big dipshit. In fact, it's probably all your fault that Wesley Snipes was sentenced to three years in jail yesterday. But you've only hurt yourself, you know - now that Wesley Snipes is in jail, you can kiss goodbye to any notion you had about making Money Train 2: Money Train In Space before 2011.
