Would-be criminals can learn a lot from today’s news that Blake Fielder-Civil has been sentenced to 27 months in jail.
Firstly, Blake Fielder-Civil’s sentence has shown that you can’t go round violently attacking pub landlords in the face; and that if you do, you definitely can’t try buying their silence with great big wads of your wife’s cash.
Most of all, though, Blake Fielder-Civil’s 27-month jail sentence shows that you’ll still get lumbered with a giant stretch in prison even if you get Amy Winehouse to bellow your name in public every six or seven seconds. Speaking of that, we’ve got another 27 months of that. Thanks, the British justice system. Thanks a lot.
These last nine months have been hellish. They’ve been an unrelenting torture, the likes of which will rarely come round again. That’s because Amy Winehouse’s husband Blake Fielder-Civil has been incarcerated for nine months. And it’s been agony.
Not for Blake Fielder-Civil, who has been plunged into a nightmarish stay in a squalid prison for those nine months. And not for Amy Winehouse, who’s slowly been unravelling to the point where she’s now nothing more than a violent drug addict constantly on the brink of death. No, we’re talking about us.
Nine months we’ve had of listening to Amy Winehouse bellow the word “Blake!” when she’s singing her songs or staggering around Camden off her face on whatever substances she’s into these days. Blake Blake Blake, that’s all we ever bloody hear. And it’s fairly annoying, we don’t mind telling you. We definitely have it worse than Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil put together.
And it’s not going to stop until October 2010, because Blake Civil-Fielder has finally been sentenced for his crime of getting trashed on booze and cocaine, smashing up a pub landlord’s head until he needed a metal plate inserted to hold his face together and then offering him £200,000 to flee the country or change his story. And he’s been given 27 sodding months. The Independent reports:
Judge David Radford told Fielder-Civil he had behaved in a “gratuitous, cowardly and disgraceful” way. Fielder-Civil, who had looked calm and relaxed throughout the hearing, showed little emotion as the sentence was passed. But as he was taken down to the cells by court staff at the end of the hearing he looked up and smiled at friends and family in the front row of the crammed public gallery and mouthed “see you soon”.
Although 27 months sounds like quite a long time – in which Blake Fielder-Civil will miss both Albania joining NATO and the end of the Swedish pharmacy monopoly – in reality he’s already served nine of those on remand, so he could be out by Christmas.
Still, though, the next few months are going to be especially difficult on Amy Winehouse. Being without her husband has been tortuous enough as it is, and she’d been publicly pinning her hopes on his release today, so those around her must be fearing for her safety at the moment.
Will Blake’s sentence throw her back into the drug-drenched miasma she’s been struggling to recover from? Will it cripple her productivity as an artist even further? Worst of all, does it mean she’s going to get off with another ancient member of Babyshambles? Christ, let’s hope not. That poor girl has been through enough as it is.
IronMan says
So will Amy be screaming out “BLAAAAAAKE” whilst she’s banging all those other guys like that dissipated guitarist from Babyshambles??? Maybe Blake the Chav is getting some action inside …
Amy Winehouse says
BLAAAAAKE!
euclid says
Remember the story of The Ugly Duckling?
Okay, now replace the lovely swan with a sexually
indiscriminate, diseased, drug-addled goose…
with an incarcerated half-wit talentless mate.
Now THAT’S family entertainment.
G’night kids; sweet dreams.
BritSwedeGuy says
Sadly it won’t be another 27 months, that includes the time he’s already done and it’s rare to ever serve more than half your sentence – especially if you buy your crack from the warders.