As Amy Winehouse was admitted to the hospital a few weeks back, the whole world waited in the lobby with tears in its eyes and worst case scenarios unavoidably running through its head.
Ours included Maury Povich getting scientifically cross-bred with a shark.
But then the doctor came out and told us she wasn't dying, she just had lungs filled to the tippy top with crack cocaine and cigarette butts. Is that what the doctor said? Well, we don't actually remember as we were too relieved to pay attention.
But she eventually escaped that hospital and flew all the way to Glastonbury, where she put on a super-human performance complete with bass lines, drum beats, and several introductions between a fan and her angry fist.
She punched a guy for either touching her boob or her hair, depending on who you ask. We have video.
The nice thing about outdoor music festivals is standing two inches from a fat man's hairy back as it glistens just so under the one o'clock sun. Another nice thing about outdoor music festivals is you can go there to historically not listen to rap music, or listen to rap music a full day later than you'd originally intended.
And at Glastonbury if you pay the full admission price, you can get punched in the face by Amy Winehouse as many times as you'd like. The experience is reportedly a better souvenir than a concert T-shirt, and probably gives you the option to sue a rich celebrity, if that's what you're into.
The Daily News explains how great this could be:
"Before wrapping [her set] up, the singer launched into "Rehab" – and repeatedly punched an audience member in the front row while working the crowd. Winehouse kept singing while she threw her right hook, by the way."
Now that's showmanship! It reminds us slightly of the time we had to keep knitting a sweater while a hungry cougar clawed violently at our back. We don't remember why. The sweater got finished in decent time, but got some weird red stain all along its backside the first time we tried it on.
We think it was paint.
Anyway – would you like to see Winehouse pummel some guy? Well just you have at it then.
Amy Winehouse fan says
Amy Winehouse should like been touched up by anyone the state she is in.