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BBC

Young Apprentice Review: Young Love is Disgusting

by Jacki Evans

Young Apprentice. It’s a bit mean, isn’t it? Taking a bunch of kids away from their parents, turning them against each other, mocking them on national TV and then killing them off one by one. If hecklerspray had a heart, it’d break. But we don’t, so we just find it entertaining. But last night, it [...]

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Strictly Come Dancing: Lulu Has a Breakdown

by Jacki Evans

This week on Strictly, somebody cocked up and let Len go on holiday in the middle of the series. So, to replace him, they brought in the star of one of the biggest dancing movies of all time. No, it, wasn’t the reanimated corpse of Patrick Swayze but rather, Jennifer Grey and her unrecognizable face! [...]

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Hecklerspray’s ‘Masterpiece’ Albums Rival Zane Lowe’s Pompous Radio 1 List

by Michael Park

Zane Lowe is an unbearably smug son of a turd and if you disagree with that statement then you’ll probably disagree with most of this article. Ever since the days when he was sitting on a badly green-screened couch, chumming up to the Foo Fighters, Lowe has maintained the air of a man whose every [...]

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Young Apprentice: Posh Harry Is Better Than You All

by Jacki Evans

Last night on Young Apprentice, Lord Sugar evidently had second thoughts about putting a bunch of teenagers in a house together, and decided to scare them all into NEVER HAVING SEX. No, he didn’t direct them all to lemonparty; he made them hang around lots of babies as they developed a product for the parent [...]

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Strictly Come Dancing: Robbie’s Cock Takes Over

by Jacki Evans

Ah, the Strictly Come Dancing Halloween special. The BBC’s annual chance to horrify the entire nation with overly made-up celebrities, horribly acted VTs and Craig Whatsit-Thingy taking part in the most obvious joke of all time and flying into the studio on a broomstick. October just wouldn’t be the same without it. But this year [...]

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Young Apprentice: The Future is Doomed

by Jacki Evans

Here at hecklerspray, if there’s one thing we hate more than people, it’s teenagers. Horrible, obnoxious little peach fuzz adolescents who stomp around being all arrogant, irritating and smelling of Lynx Africa. Strangely though, Lord Sugar doesn’t feel the same. In fact, he seems to love teenagers so much that he’s invited a bunch of [...]

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Strictly Come Dancing: James Jordan Looks Like a Knob

by Jacki Evans

Ah, reality TV. Don’t you just love it? With its endless orchestrated arguments and the potential to watch celebrities make total and utter knobs of themselves, it’s one of the wonders of the modern age. And this week, Strictly lived up to all its monstrous reality to potential. Yes, after last week’s Broadway show, this [...]

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Creased Or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You The Way It Is.

by Michael Park

Doubled or Quit? Folded Mobile Phones – They won’t give you brain cancer! Hurrah! Well… they might. A History Of Ancient Britain – Neil Oliver tells us about the Iron Age while holding up the jaws of our ancestors. Marvellous! Rich Johnston – We’re going to bring down the government with a He-Man sword! Oh, [...]

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Strictly Come Dancing: Save Russell Grant!

by Jacki Evans

Thanks to the joys of BBC budget cuts and misguided enthusiasm, this week was False Advertising Week on Strictly Come Dancing. The show claimed to be “going to Broadway”, but as the BBC has an annual budget of about 17p and they clearly can’t actually be arsed to fly a load of idiot celebrities to [...]

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Mary Portas Wants To Sex Up Cameron’s Cabinet In Vomit-Inducing Publicity Stunt

by Michael Park

Mary Portas is widely renowned for having the poise and gait of a maimed Tyrannosaurus Rex and the retail miracle-worker has told Heat! magazine that she wants the opportunity to inject some sex appeal into David Cameron’s cabinet. Without hecklerspray trying to force any political viewpoints down the throats of our readers, Tories are arseholes. [...]

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