Rubbish Dannii Minogue Woos Less Rubbish Sister Onto X Factor

Dannii Minogue X Factor Kylie MinogueSo Dannii Minogue is the new X Factor judge – and we can't wait to see Dannii pass on the valuable knowledge she gained in the field of slapping her tits out for lad's mags in the mistaken hope that it'll help her sell any records.

Dannii Minogue? X Factor? Dannii seems like a strange choice to us, since we thought the point of X Factor was getting people number one records. Simon Cowell is responsible for number one records. Sharon Osbourne is responsible for number one records. Even Louis Walsh was responsible for his fair share. But Dannii Minogue? She's responsible for horribly-staged lesbian romps in strip clubs that can't even help to push her singles anywhere past the outer fringes of the top 20. Maybe though, just maybe, Dannii Minogue was given the X Factor judging spot because producers could convince her sister – the infinitely more successful Kylie Minogue – to make a couple of appearances. We're just thinking out loud here.

Forget what Jarvis Cocker thinks – the new series of X Factor is on its way, ready to pummel you over the head with month after month of attention-seeking arseholes bawling out a procession of dead-souled cover versions of songs you never really liked anyway. And we can't wait, especially since Shayne Ward and Leona Lewis became such global, billion-selling megastars after they won X Factor. Ahem.

But, as you'll all be aware, this series of X Factor is all change. Kate Thornton's been sacked as X Factor host and replaced with Dermot O'Leary, which is a bit like replacing a drab filing cabinet with another drab filing cabinet that doesn't wear so many horrible dresses. Also, Brian Friedman from Grease Is The Word has been installed as an additional X Factor judge, who'll no doubt be schooling this year's hopefuls in how to wear clothes that make you look like the gayest person in the universe. But the biggest news is that fey, bland platitude-spewing X Factor judge Louis Walsh has been replaced by Dannii Minogue. Yes, the same Dannii Minogue who thinks that she's prettier than you and had a toe-curling 'romp' with a lesbian stripper that was 'secretly' caught on CCTV and 'mysteriously' leaked to a Sunday newspaper right before Dannii Minogue's Greatest Hits came out and only got to number 17 anyway.

What does Dannii Minogue know about being successful in the music industry? Well she's got a famous sister, we suppose. And it just so happens that, now Dannii Minogue is an X Factor judge, Kylie Minogue might be pushed into making an X Factor appearance of her own, as The Mirror reports:

The contestants will get one-on-one sessions with Kylie, 39, who will teach them to sing one of her hits – which include I Should Be So Lucky. A show insider said: "Dannii knew Kylie would be perfect as a coach for the show. She's a superstar and it's a chance in a lifetime for the contestants to learn from such a pro." The new series of the ITV1 series hits our screens in August and "Kylie Week" will feature near the end of autumn.

Kylie Week will mark the full-blooded return of Kylie Minogue after the upsets of her love split with Olivier Martinez and her battle with breast cancer, plus it'll stop her writing any more twat-headed children's books, so we're all for it. After an appearance on a show as widely-watched as X Factor, Kylie will be back in the big league with a vengeance.

But all this attention on Kylie Minogue is bound to annoy Dannii Minogue somewhat. After spending decades in Kylie's shadow, getting the job as an X Factor judge was supposed to be Dannii's big chance to step into the limelight for herself, and now Kylie's gone and ruined all that as well. Hopefully the X Factor producers will see sense and balance things up with a Dannii Week, where Dannii Minogue can teach the contestants how to sing… um… you know… some of the songs that she's famous for. Like, um, that one about doing herself with a vibrator. And stuff.

Read more:

Kylie Factor - Mirror

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Comments

  1. says

    My how ignorant this poster is to the world of music.
    If you think to have a no 1 is the only acceptance of being talanted then I guess the whole music industry should just give up here and now.
    charts is all about money, nothing to do with the talent.

  2. WhataMORONtheauthoris says

    What a horrible read. The author should be ashamed with himself. Dannii has had a career in entertainment for over 20 years, from Young Talent Time, to Home & Away, television hosting roles, countless club #’1 and solidly charting & selling albums & singles, modelling, ambassador work, the list goes on! Makes you wonder if Dannii was not Kylies sister would she have more respect?

  3. ohdear! says

    What a very negative article this was, Dannii Minogue was only asked to be a judge to add some glamour not because of her
    musical knowledge, they do that on all reality shows, or havent you noticed ! Just because singers are discovered on the X factor
    certainly does not mean they have no talent, my god they can sing the sox of most of the arseholes in the charts at the moment.
    Shayne Ward has made an amazingly sucsessfull career all around the world and has had very sucsessful tour this year, which
    I can say was out of this world. New single and album will be released over the summer and you will be eating your words !!!!

  4. Duncan says

    The Minogue’s pull the rubbish show to a new low level.Kylie train voices..what with .. her nasal rubbish voice.I???? Over rated beyond endurance in this country she is.At least her sister has some spunk in her personality.Thought Cowell hates Kylie anyway….with goos reason imo…….do you too have ot go on and on and on about cancer and love split.So he dumped her so what ..he is far from the first to do so..says more about Kylie than it dos about the men.Think about it.

  5. Phsyt says

    X Factor is a load of rubish anyway.
    singers that sing for money will never sound good.
    X Factor will never produce a Morrissey

  6. Lee says

    How can you call anyone rubbish who sells records and whos been around for 4 decades? also Kylie Minogue and Dannii Minogue are very talented considering they have write music as well as singing? thats all I have to say on this moron who made this website up:) bye