So let's get you up to speed. Simon Cowell recently sacked Kate Thornton as the host of X Factor – possibly because she was rubbish at it, possibly to spook out Ryan Seacrest and possibly because all the dresses she wore made her arms look a bit fat.
But Simon Cowell promised us that the new host of X Factor was going to be someone really special. A big name. A showstopper. Sadly all the big name showstoppers must have pulled out because the new host of X Factor is Dermot O'Leary, AKA The Male Kate Thornton. The Times reports:
Dermot O'Leary is the new host of The X Factor, it was announced today. The Big Brother's Little Brother presenter will front the hit show for the next two series, after Kate Thornton and judge Louis Walsh were axed. O'Leary, 33, said: "I was very flattered to be offered the job to host such a hugely successful show." The presenter, reported to have landed a £1 million X Factor contract, said: "I'm really looking forward to working with Simon and the team on the kind of Saturday night entertainment show I grew up watching."
However, as well as presenting the new series of X Factor Dermot O'Leary will still remain the presenter of Big Brother's Little Brother – which has no doubt eased the minds of the four people who actually watch it for more than five seconds at a time without loudly exhaling and switching channels. But Dermot O'Leary's X Factor appointment raises three main questions: 1) will Dermot be as tactile as Kate Thornton during the X Factor auditions? 2) Who'll present that lousy Saturday night Lottery quiz show now Dermot is hosting X Factor? and 3) How pissed off must Davina McCall be that both Russell Brand and Dermot O'Leary have now gone on to do better things after Big Brother while all she has is a failed chatshow to her name?
But, hey, congratulations on the X Factor job Dermot (look, we're just pleased it wasn't Vernon Kay, alright?). Be sure to use your powers wisely by convincing Simon Cowell to not employ Chris Moyles too and we'll see you when X Factor starts in the summer. You'll recognise us – we'll be the ones taking the piss because the dresses you wear make your arms look a bit fat.
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