It was probably the greatest romance the universe has ever known – Prince William and Kate Middleton were the most perfect couple in the history of overprivileged rah-rah poshos that nobody can really bring themselves to care about.
We thought the story of Prince William and Kate Middleton ended in April when William unceremoniously dumped Kate because of the way her Mum said 'lavatory' instead of 'toilet' when she was discussing doing a poo with the Queen or something – but now it might just be on again. Reports are suggesting that Prince William and Kate Middleton have been secretly dating for a month and couldn't stop kissing each other during a godawful-sounding Moulin Rouge-themed party at William's barracks. Aww, it's just like a version of Hollyoaks, albeit a version of Hollyoaks about obnoxious inbred aristocrats who get to rule a country in absurdly undemocratic terms just because of who their granny is.
Ever since Prince William and Kate Middleton split up in April, both sides of the relationship have been doing all they can to keep busy. Prince William has been planning a creepy concert for his dead mum and talking about his dead mum and trying to stop Channel Four from showing an hour-long show about how horrific his dead mum's facial injuries were before she died, while Kate Middleton has been making the papers for wearing 'daring' dresses to nightclubs that could only ever be classified as daring by an especially prudish Victorian nun with unusually high blood pressure.
But maybe it was all a front – it's being reported that Prince William and Kate Middleton are secretly back together again, but it's a secret and you're not allowed to tell anyone. It seems that while Prince Harry was out diverting people's attention by groping girls and falling over in silly hats, Prince William was surreptitiously wooing Kate Middleton back into his life. Well, maybe not 'surreptitiously wooing Kate Middleton back into his life'. It's more 'openly jamming his tongue into her throat at dismal-sounding army parties' by the sound of it. The Telegraph reports:
Speculation that Prince William and his former girlfriend Kate Middleton may be working towards a reconciliation is growing after unconfirmed reports they have been meeting in secret. It is also alleged the two danced intimately and kissed at a Moulin-Rouge-themed party at Prince William's Army barracks in Bovington, before leaving early and heading for his room.
Following the party, it's thought that Prince William then took Kate Middleton out for a spot of his favourite hobby – making poor people dance for pennies while he points a blunderbuss at them. Anyway, we couldn't be happier for Prince William and Kate Middleton, but then that's only because we suffer from an abnormal condition where the romantic lives of people who form part of an anachronistic ruling system where members are routinely outshone by Shilpa Shetty become weirdly important to us. And it's not just us we're pleased for – we know first-hand how much the paparazzi enjoyed aggressively stalking every single one of Kate Middleton's waking movements, so they'll no doubt be thrilled to be able to carry it on.
Who knows, now Prince William and Kate Middleton are back together, maybe there'll be a royal marriage after all – provided that someone gags Kate's Mum forever, of course.
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