Kevin Federline has always done his best to stand up for the little guy, whether it's the little guy who ignores his wife to go partying or the little guy who tries to make a hip-hop CD even though he's got less talent than an envelope of hair clippings.
But recently Kevin Federline resolutely failed to stand up for the little guy. In fact, Kevin Federline seemed to have quite a lot of fun openly mocking the little guy in his new 'Look, Kevin Federline Is So Pointless That He Works In A Fast Food Restaurant' Super Bowl advert that has literally offended the millions of American burger-flippers who are outraged that someone who thinks that 'paparazzi' rhymes with 'Pavarotti' could ever get a job working a fryer in a fast food joint. But it's not too late for Kevin Federline to make amends for his actions, and so he's issued a humble apology for everyone upset by his advert in a transparent effort to ensure that nobody ever jizzes in one of Kevin Federline's burgers ever again.
Now that Britney Spears has temporarily stopped throwing up, passing out and baring her vagina at anything she thinks looks even remotely like a camera, the floor belongs to Kevin Federline. Kevin may have made his mistakes while he was married to Britney – the partying, the gold-digging, the thinking people want to watch a film about Kevin Federline – but now Kevin Federline has found his niche in life; he's become a profession parody of himself.
And it's working, too – while companies don't want 'train wreck' Britney Spears to advertise their goods, they can't lap Kevin Federline up fast enough. Kevin Federline recently scored a lucrative Nationwide advert for the Super Bowl where his mad rapping skills give way to the reality that he's really a nobody working the frying unit at the local fast food restaurant. By playing on his public image as a talentless wannabe in the commercial, Kevin Federline had hoped that the advert would win him new fans – but that would be underestimating how badly Kevin Federline can mess things up.
The National Restaurant Association of America lost its shit at K-Fed when it heard about the Nationwide commercial, saying that Federline was undermining the jobs of millions of the ugly talentless overweight fast food workers with chronic skin conditions and zero social skills that it represents. The old Kevin Federline would have ignored these complaints and carried on partying, but the new Kevin Federline is a man, and so he's issued the following apology:
"This is like my own personal life, I am making fun of me. I am not making fun of other people or that situation at all. It is not intentionally directed towards somebody who's working at a restaurant. I came from there. I've worked in fast food before, I've worked in a pizza place… I am focusing on my work and that is what I think people should really start to focus on about me."
What's more, Kevin Federline has taken note of the behaviour of other group offenders like Mel Gibson, Isaiah Washington and Jade Goody by announcing that to make up for causing so much offence to a portion of community he's embarking on a 28-day residential rehab program for people who make jokes about other people who don't have proper jobs.
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B Michum says
I have a confession, father: I saw the K-Fed advert… and it made me laugh. Very sorry everyone