New Year's Eve is rubbish; you pay over the odds to get into some awful pikey nightclub because you feel pressured to have some enforced fun – but if you're like Britney Spears you can counter this by getting twatted on booze and falling over.
Or not. In reality Britney Spears didn't get so hopelessly drunk on £2,500 bottles of champagne during her New Year's Eve party in Las Vegas that she collapsed in a drink-mashed heap and had to be carried out of the club at 1am. That didn't happen to Britney Spears at all, her slaves are saying – Britney was just feeling a bit tired because she had to stay up all the way until after midnight, plus all that time she spent pushing her bare vagina into people's eyes left Britney Spears so unaccustomed to the weight of wearing knickers that the enormous pull of her frilly undies kept dragging her helplessly to the floor. Or something.
The new year is a time to wipe the slate clean and start again afresh. And Britney Spears should have been first in line to do that because, really, Britney Spears' 2006 was a giant bag of cack. Seriously, think of anything bad – anything at all – and chances are it has happened to Britney Spears in the last 12 months. Injured babies? Britney had that. Unwanted pregnancies? Britney had that. Divorce? Britney had that. A life-sized statue of you naked on a bearskin rug with a baby's head jutting out of your arse? To some extent, Britney Spears had that, too.
So the New Year's Eve party that Britney Spears hosted at the Pure nightclub in Las Vegas should have been a symbolic and literal end to her troubles of 2006 and a ringing in of a proud new era of restraint. Which it was, if you don't count the diamond-studded cakes, £2,500 bottles of champagne and the moment where Britney Spears apparently collapsed in an embarrassing pissed-up mess at about 1am. The Mirror reports:
A clubber at the event said: "It was crazy. Britney's bodyguards were trying to stop any photographers taking pictures and shining torches in their eyes. But we saw her being carried out by about five of them with one of their jackets over her head. It appeared she was unable to walk on her own and had to be physically carried out."
But it's OK, because Britney Spears' chief slave Larry Rudolph says that none of that actually happened at all, and that Britney Spears was just a bit sleepy from staying up until after midnight, because she's normally tucked up in bed before Coronation Street:
"By about one o'clock, she was just done, so we took her out. She was not drunk. She was just tired and falling asleep. There is nothing out of the ordinary here."
Well, there doesn't appear to be any pictures of Britney Spears hoofing her bare minge around like she was waiting for it to set, so that's kind of out of the ordinary. But perhaps this possible liquor-assisted flakeout will be an indication of how Britney Spears will spend her 2007, in which case we eagerly look forward to her new single Oops I Did It Again (I Bloody Well Drank So Much That I Shat Myself And Fell Over In Front Of The Vicar).
Read more:
Spears Denies Collapsing In Vegas Club On New Year's Eve – ABC
jason S says
Oh come on… like we all haven’t passed out in a nightclub after drinking too much champagne and eating too many diamonds. And it’s not like Britney has kids, is it?…
susan says
There’s something fascinating about watching a self-imploding piece of trailer trash with almost unlimited funds. Uh, Britney…your fifteen minutes are up. You’re now on borrowed time!
ghia says
who fucking gives a piss about britney anyway?
lulu says
u look horible
Georgina says
Humanity need not be so cruel, poor Britney has harmed noone..She doesn’t deserve all this nastiness..she is human and noone has the right to judge her. LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!!!!