It's Comic Relief soon – where bad comedians, rubbish boybands and constant uncomfortable scenes of starvation, disability and domestic violence mix together in a way not seen since Jim Davidson's Generation Game got the axe in 2002.
But there's one person who won't been seen on Comic Relief this year, and that's Jade Goody. Jade Goody had filmed a spoof version of Question Of Sport with Frank Skinner for Comic Relief, but now – following Jade's sudden fall from fame after being a bit racist on Celebrity Big Brother – Comic Relief has dropped the sketch. This is partly because Comic Relief feared that Jade Goody's participation in the event would undermine its fundraising message, and partly because Jade Goody's sole contribution to Question Of Sport was an uncomfortable monologue about how she didn't know whether Tiger Woods was a "chink," a "paki" or a "darky darky coon coon." Possibly.
Ever since Jade Goody went all racist on Celebrity Big Brother last month and had the world's biggest fight about Oxo with Shilpa Shetty, her stock – pun shamefully intended – has fallen beyond comparison. While Shilpa Shetty won Celebrity Big Brother and went on a breathtaking PR blitz that included looking for a boyfriend and going to the House of Commons for a bit, Jade Goody's reputation has gone through the floor.
Jo O'Meara may have had a more spectacular breakdown after Celebrity Big Brother, but Jade Goody felt the knock-on repercussions more than anyone else. Stores stopped selling Jade's perfume, Jade was actually banned from India and -although Jade's PA is still being shown on Living TV – it's prefaced by the continuity announcer stating "Here's that show about that horrible fucking racist. It's either this or more Will & Grace repeats again." But now Jade Goody faces the biggest ignominy – she's been booted off Comic Relief.
You know when it's Comic Relief because the people who work in the local branch of your bank joyless trudge through their glum day the same as normal, but do it wearing fairy wings. The centrepiece of Comic Relief is always Red Nose Night, a live nine-hour telethon where you can see spoof episodes of TV shows, Peter Kay just listing stuff from the 1970s to the delight of some whooping idiots and hour after hour of guilt-inducing promos about homeless people dying from glue overdoses.
It's a worthy cause alright, but Red Nose Night often gets so strapped for material that we've already started fretting about the prospect of watching Vernon Kay just pulling wacky faces into a camera for a solid hour. But despite this, Comic Relief has decided to bin a load of stuff just because Jade Goody happened to be in it, as BBC News reports:
Organisers had filmed a Question of Sport spoof in which Goody appeared with comics Jack Dee and Frank Skinner. But they have decided to drop the sketch from BBC One's Red Nose Night charity telethon on 16 March. A Comic Relief spokesman said the sketch felt "out of date" and they were concerned it could detract attention from the fundraising. "Recent events have overtaken us and the show, which was recorded last November, now feels out of date," the spokesman said. "Red Nose Day is all about raising money and anything that could potentially detract from this is not helpful."
The sketch felt out of date? It was a Question Of Sport spoof with Frank Skinner in it – we've got rock-solid mould-covered yogurt in out fridge that's less out of date than that. Anyway, it's hard to see this Comic Relief snub as anything other than the final nail in Jade Goody's career, unless of course Comic Relief decides to let her narrate one of the African famine promos as a sign of goodwill. We can see it now – a heartbreaking scene of starvation and squalor, with one young crying African child in the foreground. Then we hear the honking sound of a pikey shrieking:
"Vis boy's name is fackin' Poppadoom Fuckawallah or sumfink. I ain't bein' racial, but vat probberly is his actual fackin' name, yeah? Gooooor, he's well skinny inni, but vat's probberly just because 'is Mum can't fackin' cook no bleedin' food properly."
On second thoughts…
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Jeremy says
I don’t think Jade can ever make it back again now. When even a charity doesn’t want you to help it, you know you’re in trouble.
Didn’t Celebrity Big Brother start as a Comic Relief thing?