Thanks to having a loud idiot who can't talk properly name her after a crispy bean-flour bread during Celebrity Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty is now the world's most famous woman for people who watched a lot of Celebrity Big Brother and nothing else.
And as such, Shilpa Shetty is looking to enjoy the perks that come with being the most famous victim of racial abuse since Rodney King. At the moment, Shilpa has only used the perks entitled 'talk endlessly about yourself' and 'make the mannish one from S Club 7 loudly sob while rocking backwards and forwards during a live GMTV interview in a genuinely disturbing way', but now Shilpa Shetty wants to use her new fame to get a boyfriend. And that boyfriend could be you, provided you're the same age as her, Indian, a millionaire and you can gain the approval of Shilpa's frankly terrifying-sounding Dad.
If you're like us, your staggeringly tiny attention span means that you've pretty much forgotten that Celebrity Big Brother was even on in the first place, let alone remembered all the squawking fuss about racism, bullying and what a hideous bell-end Leo Sayer is. So here's a reminder for you. Celebrity Big Brother starts and is boring until Jade Goody and her family arrive and all the good housemates leave, then the remaining rubbish housemates all get a bit racist to Shilpa Shetty and everything gets blown out of proportion. Then Jade Goody leaves Celebrity Big Brother, everything gets boring again and Shilpa Shetty wins.
Following her Celebrity Big Brother win, Shilpa Shetty had two options open to her. First she could do as Chantelle did when she won Celebrity Big Brother and milk a tired catchphrase for a year then marry a man who's prone to girly strops, or she could do as Pete Bennett did when he won Big Brother in the summer and record the worst song in the history of the world.
But this is Shilpa Shetty we're talking about. Shilpa flushes chicken carcasses down the toilet. Shilpa cares not for rules. That's why Shilpa Shetty is using her new-found fame to look for a boyfriend who can a) sweep her off her feet in a spontaneous gesture of love and b) pass the standardised boyfriend approval exam and interview process that her overbearing-seeming father will force him to sit. In an interview with The Mirror, Shilpa Shetty says: