Volkswagen-with-lipstick Jade Goody is apparently having a few problems with her upcoming trip to India.
The excursion abroad, which began life as a
cynical marketing attempt to make a racist imbecile look slightly better voyage to embrace a distant and unique culture, has so far encountered an itsy-bitsy setback. See, while all of Jade's grovelling PR minions have been posted their Indian Visas within the space of 24 little hours, the barely-literate Ms. Goody has found that her application may take a little time to 'process'.
Heaven forbid this should upset Jade further. Reports have been flooding in recently that claim she is on the verge of suicide – an act that could either be deemed 'tragic' or 'a fine example of Darwinism in action', dependent on how sane you are.
A source from India claimed by way of explanation:
"There is a lot to consider in relation to what she said."
What – you mean those horrendously racist babblings? Well… you see… we mean…
Oh, okay, India. You caught us out. You want the truth? We weren't really sending Jade Goody over to 'apologise' for her behaviour at all. We just wanted to get rid of her, the same way you see a tired homeless dog occasionally barking in triumph as it manages to rip a bloodsucking tick from its shaggy fur coat. Yeah, yeah, we admit it – we had no real intention of bringing her back.
But look on the bright side, guys. If you do let her into your country – and you're planning on carrying out another of those nuclear tests vis-a-vis your ongoing conflict with Pakistan – then surely you could use a human target to determine the accuracy of your weapons, right?
Just think about it. Even for an essentially emotionless missile-directing computer program, what more satisfying target could there be than flying a six-megaton warhead right into the gaping mouth of that vacuous, pointless lardball?
Assuming she doesn't manage to eat it first.