Heather Mills is either a helpless disabled abused wife with an evil, controlling, drug-addled millionaire husband or a bit of an annoying monoped gold-digger, and which one you agree with probably depends on whether you're Heather Mills or not.
Most of the public, you see, appears to have sided against Heather Mills ever since she and Paul McCartney split up, and Heather Mills isn't especially happy about that. That's why Heather Mills has granted an interview with Extra in America where, instead of doing what most people hoped and dishing out another bunch of lurid divorce claims like the one about Paul McCartney getting all medieval on her with a piece of glasswear, Heather Mills disappointing spends the interview carping on about what a nice person she is and how people love her so much that she's often hugged by strangers on the street. Seriously.
Most people, when they give interviews, want the world to see how nice and over-flowing with deep generosity and humanity they are. Well, all except for OJ Simpson who asks that the public imagines that he's a no-good stabby murderer, but there's always an exception. And if anyone needs to get the public on their side it's Heather Mills, because she's been pretty much entirely inept at it in the past.
No matter what Heather Mills does, she can't seem to win the public round. When Heather Mills and Paul McCartney went to Canada to try and stop hunters from bludgeoning baby seals to death – not a bad cause by any stretch – most people only paid attention to laugh when a baby seal rounded on Heather and bit her. Similarly, when Heather Mills decided to take on Jennifer Lopez for killing animals and using their fur for clothes, common sense dictated that the public sided with the animal slaughterer over Heather.
And this bad reputation has followed Heather Mills through her divorce with Paul McCartney, too. Forget all the stuff about lock-changing and the hiring of royal divorce lawyers; if the divorce papers are true then not only did Paul McCartney regularly beat Heather Mills up but he also beat his first wife Linda up too, and he has a daughter that vocally wants to kill Heather Mills. None of which should really endear people to Paul McCartney, but that's what seems to have happened. Even Rod Stewart is on Paul McCartney's side despite all these claims of violence.
Heather Mills must be doing something wrong to garner no sympathy whatsoever from all of this, and she must be hoping that her recent interview with Extra – to be broadcast in America over the next couple of days – goes some way to restoring the balance. And it probably would have done too, except that the interview seems to only consist of Heather Mills all but rolling around the floor screaming "Love me! LOVE ME!" into her clenched fists. Here's a selection of Heather Mills quotes you can look forward to seeing during the Extra interview:
"I'm a good mother, I'm a good person. I fell in love for the right reason. I fell in love unconditionally."
"I haven't got a lover. At the moment, I'm focusing on my daughter. It's totally made up!"
"I didn't know that many people cared. You get to know who your friends are and I haven't lost any friends."
"Eighty-five percent of my income goes to my charity. The word gold digger doesn't go with that. If I was a gold digger, I would have a lot of money in my bank account… I'd be worth millions and millions."
So it looks as if the Extra interview won't go too far in repairing Heather Mills' damaged reputation, either. Surely it's just a matter of time before Heather Mills resorts to her fail-safe method of winning people round – covering her boobs in whipped cream, holding a whip and licking a man's red jelly penis in another embarrassing German sex book. That'd probably do it.