Paul McCartney is getting on a bit, so as his marriage to Heather Mills McCartney fell apart, he probably just wanted to end things with a quick, quiet divorce and then watch Countdown in his comfy old chair.
However, it looks as if Heather Mills McCartney has a slightly different idea. Paul McCartney has finally decided to file for divorce against Heather, but she's responded with counterclaims in both England and America. This means that the Paul McCartney divorce is anticipated to become kinda nasty in the near future, though hopefully not as nasty as Heather Mills McCartney's hair in those pictures where she's laying on the floor kissing a German man's bondage whip.
Paul McCartney used to live in a happy little world where he was content to waggle his thumbs about in any situation, including the time he was beamed into space, the time he got ticked off at everyone in China or any of the thousands of times he's closed a concert by making the crowd sing the end of Hey Jude for upwards of six hours. But when Paul McCartney decided to split up with Heather Mills McCartney, his monoped wife of four years, Paul McCartney realised that not everything in life could be solved with a cheeky bob of the head and an anecdote about how brilliant John Lennon said he was once.
Now Paul McCartney has filed for divorce from Heather Mills McCartney citing 'unreasonable behaviour,' but Heather is said to want to fight Paul until she has so much money that she can build a giant golden statue of herself, a defiant look in her gleaming eye as another statue of a German man licks golden cream and cherries off of her knockers. Heather Mills McCartney is planning on filing counterclaims to the divorce in both England and America.
What this means is that, because Paul McCartney and Heather Mills McCartney didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement, Heather is setting out to get a giant slice of Paul's £800 million fortune. A long-term friend of Paul McCartney is quoted as saying:
"It's a battlefield and it has become mind-boggling, not just because of Paul's fame but because of the constant stream of stories. But now with Heather announcing she is prepared to fight, things are just going to get uglier."
But we're not sure how ugly the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills McCartney divorce is going to get. An ugly divorce is the David Hasselhoff divorce, where things start with claims of a husband calling a wife a "whore cunt bitch slut drug addict" and ends with the husband apparently wetting himself while staggering around an airport at 7am. Or the Charlie Sheen/ Denise Richards divorce, which features implied paedophila and a cast that includes dead porn stars and the bloke from Bon Jovi. A one-legged woman chasing a Beatle's cash, now how ugly could that possibly get?
We're totally prepared to eat our words here.
[story by Stuart Heritage]