It was like a real life-fairy tale, if you remember correctly. A nub-loving former Beatle met a nub-having former model, and sparks flew as the two were caught up in a whirlwind seal-saving eskimo livelihood-removing romance.
And then they decided to split. Yeah, we all remember that too. We also remember that at the time, they gave a statement that included this line: "…it is with sadness that we have decided to go our separate ways".
Well it looks like that sadness has turned into super secretive lock-changing. Heather Mills tried to get into their old haunt recently, and couldn't. The whole thing turned into a 'call the cops' fiasco.
Now nobody likes to see their favorite Beatle engrossed in personal turmoil, but everyone likes to see an amputee-beauty queen limp about with a scowl. As such, much of the world is torn between happiness and despair when it comes to this McCartney-Mills divorce malarkey.
Except Paul McCartney, that is. He knows just what he wants, and what he wants is to not grant Heather Mills free access to the gigantic mansion they once shared. So he changed the locks and didn't tell her.
And she found out the hard way. She showed up to pawn off their daughter, and her keys didn't work. Not only that, but Paul McCartney wasn't even there. Heather Mills had her security guard climb the wall, where he was seen by McCartney's security guards who promptly called the police to have Mills & Co. legally fired upon.
When the police arrived, Mills had their necks snapped and melted their faces. Then she made her guard eat most of their still-beating hearts. Well, that's not true at all, but she did reportedly give them a good stress filled-screaming at. The police didn't mind though. They said of the matter:
"We were called after a guard reported intruders. No arrests were made."
A member of the Mills camp put it this way:
"Heather was absolutely mortified. As far as she was aware, there was a prearranged agreement with Paul that she would be coming up to London for the hand over of Bea (their two year old daughter). [Heather] doesn't understand if Paul is trying to publicly humiliate her, or whether it was simply a genuine misunderstanding. Fortunately the police recognised her straight away and the matter was resolved amicably."
What the devil's with "Resolved amicably"? Seriously?! We much prefer to picture Mills all Godzilla-like. You know – destroying entire cities, stepping on the Japanese, licking Dorito cheese off her green fingers… all the typical Godzilla-like activities.
[story by Shawn Lindseth]