Paul McCartney's divorce from Heather Mills McCartney has reached to such a petty playground level that they've decided to bring adults in to help sort it all out. It just so happens that the adults were the divorce lawyers for Prince Charles and Princess Diana.
With relations between Paul McCartney and Heather Mills McCartney apparently at this all-time low, perhaps getting the divorce lawyers from one of the world's highest-profile divorces in is a good idea, especially if it helps persuade Paul McCartney from releasing his newly rewritten version of When I'm 64 that goes "Will you still need me/ Or will you try to screw me for all my money you horrible creamy-titted one-legged cow/ When I'm 64?"
When Paul McCartney married Heather Mills McCartney four years ago, he must have been looking forward to having someone new around to listen to his stories of being beamed into space and saving all the seals and making a concert finale singalong of Hey Jude last for three calender months once. But how quickly things deteriorate.
Not even the most cynical observer could have imagined that – when Paul McCartney announced his split with Heather Mills McCartney – this would get so petty so quickly. There were warnings that the divorce would get nasty, but nobody could really believe that a divorce between the man who wrote The Frog Song and a woman who was once photographed for a German porn book with her boobs covered in cream and simulating fellatio on a man's gelatine penis could ever really get that nasty.
Yesterday's locking out/police callout incident gave a hint of how childlike the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce could get, but now – in either a remarkable display of grandeur or an expensive game of one-upmanship – Heather Mills McCartney has hired Princess Diana's divorce lawyer and Paul McCartney has hired Prince Charles' divorce lawyer. According to The Times:
Anthony Julius, who was the Princess’s lawyer and became a close friend in the 1996 divorce that saw her receive a £17 million settlement, will represent Lady McCartney, the former model Heather Mills. Fiona Shackleton, who acted for the Prince of Wales, will be in Sir Paul’s corner. Nicholas Mostyn, QC, whose successes have earned him the nickname Mr Payout, is also on Sir Paul’s legal team.
If our prediction machine is right – and it usually is – then the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills McCartney divorce will play out in exactly the same way that the Charles and Di divorce went. In short, Heather Mills McCartney will give a televised interview where she'll admit that she bulimia-vomited her leg up, and then Paul McCartney will go and get married to a frumpy horse.
[story by Stuart Heritage]