You Americans don't know what's about to hit you; David Beckham and his skinny wife Victoria are heading your way after Beckham agreed to a $250 million move to football team the Los Angeles Galaxy after realising nobody in Europe likes him.
That's right, forget your megastars like Brad Pitt and Britney Spears – from now on Los Angeles will be the city of David Beckham, who'll no doubt set the town on fire with his girl's eyebrows, mild-mannered girl's voice and ridiculously-dressed wife following him around everywhere. Many people are asking why David Beckham has effectively given up his competitive footballing career for a move to the Los Angeles Galaxy; is it the money that David Beckham is after? Does he really want to push soccer as a serious sport in America? Or is it that David Beckham wants to be more famous and hang out with Tom Cruise a lot more? We say it's the last one, and so the Big David Beckham Scientology Conversion Countdown starts here.
David Beckham has had all the fame a man needs in most parts of the world; in England he was captain of the national football team and actively tried to make people smell more like him, in Asia he's adored by millions of berserk screaming teenagers for his rubbish TV commercials as much as his football and in Europe he's rumoured have done it with his PA so much that his wife Victoria Beckham can't look at a Spanish woman without shouting at her.
But in America David Beckham is a nobody, albeit a well-connected nobody. It's thought that David Beckham coaches Angelina Jolie's kids at football and hangs around Tom Cruise so much that he was one of the first people to see Suri Cruise back when nobody thought she existed. But from now on, David Beckham will be as big news in America as an effete British man who plays a predominantly children's sport for a living can be – he's going to Los Angeles, as E! Online reports:
David Beckham confirmed Thursday that he would be leaving Real Madrid at the end of the season in order to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy, in what is being called the biggest deal in sporting history, with reports placing his salary and endorsements at $250 million over five years. "After discussing several options with my family and advisers to either stay here at Madrid or join other major British and European clubs, I have decided to join the Los Angeles Galaxy and play in the MLS from August this year," the soccer star said in a statement.
There's no doubt that David Beckham will be a big name in America following his move to the Los Angeles Galaxy, and much of that is down to his close friendship with Tom Cruise. David Beckham famously sent Victoria to Tom Cruise's wedding dressed up as a ridiculously impractical coffee table, and there's even a rumour that Katie Holmes will play Victoria Beckham in a David Beckham biopic produced by Tom Cruise. But – and maybe we're wrong here – we're worried for David Beckham.
Although he's going to have $1 million a week to play with, don't forget that David Beckham is stupid and Victoria Beckham has never read a book, surely making them prime targets to be converted to Scientology sometime soon. If they're not careful in Los Angeles, they might soon find themselves screaming about Ritalin during television interviews and giving birth to children in eerie silence.
Wait a minute, becoming a Scientologist means that Victoria Beckham will be forced to shut up now and again? OK, that's fine by us.