You Americans don't know what's about to hit you; David Beckham and his skinny wife Victoria are heading your way after Beckham agreed to a $250 million move to football team the Los Angeles Galaxy after realising nobody in Europe likes him.
That's right, forget your megastars like Brad Pitt and Britney Spears – from now on Los Angeles will be the city of David Beckham, who'll no doubt set the town on fire with his girl's eyebrows, mild-mannered girl's voice and ridiculously-dressed wife following him around everywhere. Many people are asking why David Beckham has effectively given up his competitive footballing career for a move to the Los Angeles Galaxy; is it the money that David Beckham is after? Does he really want to push soccer as a serious sport in America? Or is it that David Beckham wants to be more famous and hang out with Tom Cruise a lot more? We say it's the last one, and so the Big David Beckham Scientology Conversion Countdown starts here.
David Beckham has had all the fame a man needs in most parts of the world; in England he was captain of the national football team and actively tried to make people smell more like him, in Asia he's adored by millions of berserk screaming teenagers for his rubbish TV commercials as much as his football and in Europe he's rumoured have done it with his PA so much that his wife Victoria Beckham can't look at a Spanish woman without shouting at her.
But in America David Beckham is a nobody, albeit a well-connected nobody. It's thought that David Beckham coaches Angelina Jolie's kids at football and hangs around Tom Cruise so much that he was one of the first people to see Suri Cruise back when nobody thought she existed. But from now on, David Beckham will be as big news in America as an effete British man who plays a predominantly children's sport for a living can be – he's going to Los Angeles, as E! Online reports:
David Beckham confirmed Thursday that he would be leaving Real Madrid at the end of the season in order to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy, in what is being called the biggest deal in sporting history, with reports placing his salary and endorsements at $250 million over five years. "After discussing several options with my family and advisers to either stay here at Madrid or join other major British and European clubs, I have decided to join the Los Angeles Galaxy and play in the MLS from August this year," the soccer star said in a statement.
There's no doubt that David Beckham will be a big name in America following his move to the Los Angeles Galaxy, and much of that is down to his close friendship with Tom Cruise. David Beckham famously sent Victoria to Tom Cruise's wedding dressed up as a ridiculously impractical coffee table, and there's even a rumour that Katie Holmes will play Victoria Beckham in a David Beckham biopic produced by Tom Cruise. But – and maybe we're wrong here – we're worried for David Beckham.
Although he's going to have $1 million a week to play with, don't forget that David Beckham is stupid and Victoria Beckham has never read a book, surely making them prime targets to be converted to Scientology sometime soon. If they're not careful in Los Angeles, they might soon find themselves screaming about Ritalin during television interviews and giving birth to children in eerie silence.
Wait a minute, becoming a Scientologist means that Victoria Beckham will be forced to shut up now and again? OK, that's fine by us.
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Maloney says
Not for the money? If that’s even remotely true I’ll shit my trousers
smudge says
“predominantly children’s sport?”…..over here our little kids play a game called rounders that you guys call baseball…..we also play another game you copied called rugby, only as it’s for adults we don’t need to cover ourselves in padding. As for his “skinny wife”, well I suppose anyone under 300pounds is skinny to you guys. Is he being stupid? No way!…I bet he’s just as intelligent as your president………
angie says
I am extremley excited about his choice, he is going to make soccer a more popular sport in America, I have played soccer for most of my life for a division one club and in college. I now teach and coach in a small community where soccer is not a huge sport like it is in bigger parts of the world. Everyone only cares about football, baseball, and basketball, with him coming to America he can make the sport well known, and show people, especially those that live in a small town that soccer is not just played or watched by Hispanics. I hate the stereo type that is around my community, everyone thinks soccer is a sport that hispanics watch and play. I am a caucasion that has played for 18 years. I have played with mostly white people, I support what he is doing, whether it is for the money or not, besides you want to talk mess about how much he makes? Soccer players do not make near as much money as professional football, baseball, or basketball players, so of course he loves the sport. If he did not he would have played another sport besides soccer, so I do not think he is doing it for the money at all, he is doing it to prove to Americans that soccer can also be a popular sport in the United States and not just other countries!
Ollie says
You expect me to believe that there are Englishmen who don’t make their living criticizing Americans?
Seriously though, this Beckham thing reminds me of when Wayne Gretzky came down to play for L.A. from Edmonton. Of course, his wife was actually attractive, and he was the best player in the world at his sport, plus he played a sport we actually watched from time to time.
Well, I’ve got to go now. I bought me my very own critic from the UK, and he’s glaring at me over his cup of tea. Not sure what I did wrong this time, but I’m sure he’ll let me know what a moron I am. It’s what you Brits are famous for now! Oh well, not everybody can be a Beatle.
God I wish I was English. My lands, think of all the years of frowning and arched eyebrows I’ve missed out on!
jj says
do you dislike david?thats hwat your article syas!
Lady says
LOL. If you were trying to defend David and you are aware of George BUsh at all, you would know that saying David is about as smart as George Bush is probably the most harrassing thing you could say to a person. And any sane person looking at a picture of a previous Victoria Beckham could not sit there and say she wasn’t too skinny. I agree that this country has a problem with obesity but just because the majority are fat, doesn’t mean we all are. ANd I can tell the difference between being healthy, being too skinny and being too fat. Just because some of us are from the US doesn’t mean we believe that the norm is or should be the ideal. I’d seen Victoria on her CBS special “Coming TO America” and I think she looks fine now, but before she was just skeletal. ANd not only AMericans were saying it most of it was coming from the Europeans seeing as Posh wasn’t really that big here in the states until they announced that the Beckhams would be coming to California. Before Posh and Becks, is was all TomKat, Lindsay Blohan and Paris Hilton.
DL says
Go David Beckham !
What a smart move he made by moving to LAGLX !!!
Am confident he can boost soccer popularity in the US, and imagine when that happens! kiss good bye to the boring basketball, football, baseball
I just cant wait til USA becomes great in soccer in this world
mohammed says
i am a good player in football and i look like david beckham and my goal is to make afootball player but this need a lot of
practice (4 years) at least . so help me