Ready for a knee-tremblingly cataclysmic revelation from your good buddies at hecklerspray?

Okay, then. Strap in tight. Extinguish all cigarettes. Impart some final goodbyes to your loved ones should you brain be unable to cope with this astonishing news and explodes in a red-grey shower of wallpaper-ruining discharge. Ready?

It turns out that football player David Beckham might not be the smartest chap in the world.

Still clinging on? Then let’s continue…

David Beckham (DVDs), who plays for Real Madrid has apparently revealed that the math problems posed in his six year old son Brooklyn’s homework left him scratching his silly empty head. Speaking to The Mail On Sunday, Beckham waffled:

"Their homework is so hard these days. It’s totally done
differently to what I was teached (sic) when I was at school, and you
know, I was like, ‘Oh my God, I can’t do this.’"

Hmm. Quite. Beckham then made what is possibly the worst suggestion since George phoned up Tony and said "Hey buddy, I’ve found us a whole nation of sand-dwellers we can bomb the shit out of!"

He advised young Brooklyn to ask his mother.

Which – considering Brooklyn’s mother is arsebrained nonentity and all-round mouthbreather Victoria Beckham – is kind of like asking Abu Hamza if he fancies a quick Playstation tournament.

So there you have it, folks. A halfwit footballer and his ditzy wife are unable to assist their son with a set of primary school homework questions.

What’s that? Needlessly cruel? Picking on cheap and easy targets? Us?

Only when it’s particularly funny.

Read More:

Brooklyn maths has me beat, admits Beckham – Breaking News

[story by C J Davies]