Imagine for a moment that you're the sort of person who would go to a nightclub purely because it happens to be named after the slurring wonk-eyed mindless pornstar nimrod from The Simple Life – hard to think you haven't killed yourself already, huh?
But, terrifyingly enough, these people do exist – and the promise of possibly seeing Paris Hilton standing at the bar mouthing along to that song on hers that nobody bought, or dancing on a table with her minge out, is the reason why the Club Paris nightclubs in Orlando and Jacksonville are constantly rammed with all kinds of overbearing celebrity-spotting dimwits. Or at least Paris Hilton was the reason why people went to Club Paris; the owner of Club Paris has effectively fired Paris Hilton from his nightclubs because he's just realised that she's a bit shit. However, at least Paris Hilton can rest safe in the knowledge that, while she is actually quite shit, she'll never be shit enough to name a nightclub after someone as shit as herself.
It's probably fair to say that Paris Hilton is like Jesus or something. Although Jesus has never been arrested for drink-driving like Paris Hilton has – or has never allegedly punched the star of a reality TV show, or done a piss in a taxi – the similarities are there for everyone to see. For instance, Paris Hilton doesn't like sex and she gave some money to a tramp once. See? And we believe that Jesus also once released an underselling pop album, although he made the disciples promise not to put that bit in the Bible.
Anyway, like Jesus, Paris Hilton's name is also used to sell all kinds of stuff, from perfumes to books to amateur pornography downloads. And up until recently Paris Hilton's name was also used to sell tickets to the Club Paris nightclubs in Orlando and Jacksonville. But thanks to her tardy timekeeping arrangements, the owner of Club Paris has said that he no longer requires the services of Paris Hilton, as ABC News reports:
Fred Khalilian said he "fired" the hotel heiress because she has failed to attend scheduled appearances at the location in downtown Orlando. The troubles started two years ago when Hilton showed up six hours late for the grand opening, Khalilian said. "She's created a circus for herself," he said. "It's all about: How has she screwed up now?"
This literally couldn't have come at a worse time for Paris Hilton. Her music career has hit the skids, she's a notoriously unreliable awards ceremony host, Britney Spears won't be her friend any more after Paris made her flash her vagina around everywhere and now she's not even going to be associated with a Florida nightclub chain.
Meanwhile Club Paris goes from strength to strength, announcing that it'll keep its name in honour of the French capital city instead. And, as such, it'll reveal the new face of Club Paris just as soon as it can find a suitably grubby-looking chainsmoking woman with hairy armpits who smells a bit like dog poo.
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PVC says
Screw Club Paris! Haven’t you all heard that Club Handy Andy Off Changing Rooms is where it’s at these days? It’s like Club Paris, only with a different failed novelty single playing on a loop in the background